Monday, February 18, 2019

Choose your Hard

Shockingly, Rosebro2 will be driving very soon. It has been a very interesting time as a parent. The thought of him driving puts me in quite the conundrum. I want him to drive. I cannot tell you the number of times he has been the last one picked up from practice as I coming barreling in on two wheels. A month ago I wasn't that concerned about him driving because he was a constant hang out with his Dad after practice, after school, after games. But now that luxury is gone and I am responsible for taking and picking up to everything.  I am constantly being asked to take him to a friend’s house. I remember the feeling of having Rosebro1 drive. Most parents are scared. I was delighted.  But with Rosebro2, I feel a little different.
I start thinking about the first time he will roll down the driveway without me. The loss of control is enough to make me anxious. I will also miss our talks in the car.  I will miss the conversations, seeing the Mom of the friend when I drop him off, reminding him of his behaviors, and singing to our favorite songs. All of this seems like so far away each time I have to drive with him.
As a former special education teacher, one of the skills I learned quickly when trying to help my students was the breaking down of skills. Any skill I needed the student to learn, I had to take away all assumptions that the student knew any of the prerequisite skills necessary to complete the task. Teaching Rosebro2 to drive is really no different. He is 14-just a month away from 15. At an extremely rough estimate he has been in a car at least 11,000 times in his life. Yet, simple skills such as which way to push the blinker button or how to turn on windshield wipers has gone unnoticed and must be taught. I specifically teach so many skills that are almost subconscious for me now as a driver for thirty+ years. This is hard work. It is hard because I am having to remind myself of things that innate for me but are unknown for him. It is hard because I do not think pharmacists make Zanax strong enough to deal with the levels of anxiety I feel. It is hard because he makes mistakes-even when we discussed and practiced what to do what feels like a million times. It is hard as well because what I never want to get is that phone call that my child has been in an accident that has harmed himself, others, or both. Teaching him is hard. Him not knowing is hard. I choose my hard.
Last week I was talking with a frustrated teacher who stated, “we do this. I don’t know why they don’t know it.”  I started thinking about Rosebro2 who has been in a car over ten thousand times. If I use that same mentality, then I should hand over the keys and let him go. In order for him to get it, I have to specifically, purposefully, and repeatedly teach him the variety of skills necessary. I have to scaffold information. I now model behavior as I drive and he rides. I speak aloud about the red light, but stopping and paying attention and then turning right. I talk aloud about why I am doing what I am doing not for my benefit but for his. I model good behavior such as keeping my cell phone in the back seat rather than taking phone calls or reading text/emails. After I’ve modeled it and he can talk about it at a level where it seems he understands it, we then allow him to have guided practice. When all of this occurs, there will be a day-much sooner than I am ready-when he will do all of this independently.



 Nike’s famous slogan, “just do it” left out some important steps. As teachers, our students can’t “just do it!” It is one reason why worksheets drive me crazy. Busy students do not indicate students who are learning. Students will not learn information just by doing it. Do they need practice?  Absolutely. But what they need more is modeling and direct, specific, purposeful, and repetitive teaching. Only then can a student be successful independently. This type of teaching is hard. It is hard to establish small groups in your classroom. It is hard to make data driven decisions in your classroom. It is also hard to have students not on grade level. It is hard to scaffold learning. It is also hard to find 8 hours worth of "work" each day for students. It is also hard to work hard every day and not see much progress. Choose your hard.

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