None of dat

When Rosebro2 was in second grade, he was a math wiz. Because I’ve paid for a geometry tutor all year, I wish I could take him back to these 2^nd grade years. He just got math at a level that most of the kids in his class did not. At the time, the second grade level a timed test on fact families. He breezed past the addition one so fast he could have run a mile after completing the 100 addition problems and still have time left. Until you passed addition, you could not go onto the subtraction test.

Yet, he could not seem to pass the subtraction timed test. His teacher and I met and couldn’t figure out how he could not finish and how he got so many wrong. I talked with him, but he just said, “subtraction iz bifficuff.” I continued to be so very baffled. I bought flashcards. I downloaded a ridiculous rap song that we sang in the car- which by the way will occasionally sneak up in my head and be there for hours.  Still, he wasn’t finishing the subtraction test in the allotted time and was making tons of mistakes.

Fast forward to student led conferences. I was unable to attend. His Dad attended. During this conference his Dad started questioning him about this subtraction issue. Rosebro2 could never lie to his Dad. This is not a gift that I share. His Dad started digging deep and discovered that he was purposefully not passing the subtraction test. He was failing and not finishing on purpose. He had heard that if you pass the addition, you had to start multiplication timed test and in his words, “I not haffing none of dat!”

Digging deeper. Rosebro2 got hurt during wrestling. He hid it. I knew he was spending a lot of time in his room but I, well, I left him alone. I mean, um, he is, um, a teenage boy…..I don’t go snooping in their rooms. I only found out when I went into his room one night to turn out his lamp and found an ice pack on his knee. I could not understand why he was hiding this from me. He knows that I would get him to a doctor. He knows that I would stop at nothing to make sure he was okay. Then, I dug a little deeper. He hid his injury because he didn’t want to go into the training room. He hid his injury not because he did not want to get better. He hid it because he refuses to go into the training room He misses his Dad just too much.

Digging deeper. There is always something behind every behavior. I had a student one year that would start acting insane around 1 every day. It took me forever and many behavior charts later to figure out that her parents didn’t have a phone. If I sent her to the office, the assistant principal always called Grandmother and she would pick her up. Turns out her StepDad was home when she got off the bus and he was doing awful things to her before her Mom came home from work. There is always something behind the behaviors. I regret so much how long it took me to dig deep for that one. This is one of my greatest educational regrets.

Digging deeper. I recently had a parent who was so angry. At one point in our meeting, I was scared she would come over my desk and beat me. She would not listen. She would not stop yelling and seeing past what happened. I finally was able to ask her to take a breath. I told her that we would fix the problem and then I just said, “I feel like there is something more than you being upset with Mrs. XXXX?” The mom immediately starting crying. She reached into her purse and pulled out a letter. It was past due notice on her power. Then she told me she got fired a few weeks ago. She was behind on her rent. She literally had no idea what she going to do. At that moment we started making a plan. We forgot about how mad she was. In fact, at the end of the meeting, she apologized and told me not to even talk to the teacher.

Digging deeper. It takes time. It takes patience. It is not always obvious. But there is always something behind every action. We, as educators, have a responsibility to figure it out. Failing to do so, in the words of Rosebro2, “I not haffing none of dat!”