#blessed

As many people are aware, each school year and each calendar year I choose my “Word of the Year.” For the 2018-2019 school year, I carefully selected the word sustainability for my professional word and for my personal life, I chose JOY.

For school, I wanted this to be a year where our school came together-and not fall apart. I knew coming into the school year that we had 25 new employees, 3 new programs (GT and 2 self contained classes), multiple long term maternity leaves, and changes in our front office staff. With all of that change, it was important that I focus on the inclusion of the new staff and programs, help teach our new staff the systems and procedures of our school, continue to monitor our school culture, and include the new ideas, knowledge, and energy of new staff members. In choosing sustainability, I dreamed that our school would continue to flourish and grow and not slow down just because we had so many changes. It is somewhat hard to buy into what we’ve built here. Many school just focus on academics and test scores while some focus on discipline. We have together created a culture where we are inclusive of others, we value the opinions of others, we work hard, but we play hard as well. We strive for excellence in learning, in teaching, and everything in between but we also strive to emotionally and physically support our students so that they love coming through the doors of JBE each day. Thus, creating in themselves a lifelong desire to love school, love learning, and love each other despite our differences.

In my personal life, I needed to find my inner joy again. In a manner of just a few months, I had lost my precious mother unexpectedly to sepsis, a dear, dear friend to suicide, and my father through the hands of a drunk driver. I watched our school mourn the death of a faculty member’s child which brought back painful memories of my own baby’s life and death. Holding a staff member’s hand as she left this world and entered into another due to a terrible tragedy again brought the pain of my father’s death hauntingly to my every waking moment. Explaining that death to a 6-year-old who witnessed it was even harder. While I was making it every day with great friends and family to support me and a deep faith that has been my guide for so many years, my inner joy had dimmed and I found myself just not as happy as I usually was. And this wasn’t a place that I had ever found myself. In all my life trials, I had always found a way to come through it with my happy, happy self. 2018 had been hard and as we turned the calendar to 2019, I wanted this to be the year that I once again found my JOY.

And then January 14^th happened. I left my home as I usually do each morning, with a kiss and a “I love you” to my husband. Then as I walked into the school some 5 minutes later, my 14-year-old son called me and told me to come home. My husband had collapsed-a blood clot had moved from his leg to his heart-a terrible silent result of a surgery the week before. And he was gone. The pain I feel is immeasurable. My husband was the love of my life and I am lost without him. I am also so sad for my two sons. No teenager boy should witness your father die.  Usually one who has no problems letting words flow freely, I am at a loss to describe the pain I feel for me, for my boys, and for our dreams that will forever go unfulfilled.

And I think about my words-sustainability and joy. Despite everything that happened-terrible pain and hurt, our school kept running-smoothly. The doors opened on time, the students learned, the buses rolled out with them every afternoon. The students sang, they played, they read, they computated, they laughed, they learned. The faculty taught. The heavy buzz of learning continued. It happened because our school is sustainable. We are able to sustain due to the unending energy, commitment, love of our art and craft, and professionalism of this incredible staff. The staff of Jesse Boyd Elementary is unmatched in your strength, resilience, and commitment to the most difficult job of educating children.

And joy. Even through my unspeakable pain, there is joy. I’ve read every single card our students have made for me and my boys. I’ve read every email or card or text or phone message-sometimes more than once. I have received letter after letter describing the impact that my husband had on others. I watched as almost 700 people attended my husband’s receiving friends, over 500 attend his funeral, and more people that I can count came to my house to hug me, cry with me, or bring me food. I watched so proudly as my 16-year-old son stood in front of hundreds of people and spoke on the lessons from his father. I’ve watched a community embrace my family.  Even through this pain, there is joy.

So I stand here today, trying to put one foot in front of another-and I’ll be completely honest with you-that isn’t always easy- with thoughts on a new word for 2019. Because I’ve fulfilled the other two. Our school is sustainable and I have joy. Blessed is my new word for 2019-both professionally and personally. I am moving forward seeking blessings for our school, staff, and students and I am seeing blessings for my family. But I am also seeking ways to bless others. You see, as an educator-and I’ve been one of those longer than I’ve been a wife and mother- we seek to learn so we can teach others. And that is what I am focusing on- Blessings- those I get and those I give.
Thank you all. My words will never be enough to express the magnitude of my gratitude.