Billy Graham....and the 4 Cs

I was very saddened last week to hear about the death of our nation’s pastor.  Billy Graham was someone who I have always admired. Not only had I admired him for his biblical teachings and Godliness, I have loved his passion for his beliefs.  When my husband and I married, someone game us a book that described how to stay married, according to Billy Graham. It was a simple formula made of the 4 Cs: Cherish each other, Communicate, Compromise, and live a Christ Centered life. I will say that in my 20+ years of marriage, I have failed at all 4 of those multiple times through the years….sometimes more than one at the same time. Yet, I have always gone back to those 4 Cs. They are yet so very simple and so hard all at the same time.

As I listened last week to reporter after reporter who commentated on the life of Billy Graham, I realized that they were trying to make him too complicated. Billy Graham did wonderful things, but he wasn’t a complex man. He was rather simple. I thought about the 4 Cs that I often fall back to in my marriage. I realized that while Reverend Graham came up with those 4Cs for any married couple, they really apply to everything we do-marriage, working in any environment, parenting, friendships, and teaching.

Many of my Monday musings describe the importance of building relationships with our students-and each other. How very important it is to cherish those students in our class each day.For some of them, you’re the only person who does cherish them. Each student in 1^st-5^th grade, and probably 5K if you believe in divine intervention, were placed in your classroom for a reason. Take the time to get to know each student-not just as a learner, but as a person. 

I remember one time in a particular quarrel with my husband, he stated that communication in our family was a 4 letter word. I quickly reminded him that if would listen, our communication would be just fine. I quickly learned that communication was more about listening than it was about talking, that the silent treatment is for the most immature, and that expressing my feelings was important. Isn’t this so true about working in a building with other passionate folks?  Communication is key to a successful teacher. Communicating with administration, parents, students, and those on our team. Without effective communication, others are let with a vacuum of not knowing….and vacuums are made to be full…when we don’t fill it, others will.

Compromise is such a hard pill to swallow because we all want to be right and it is natural to want our way. It amuses me each summer the number of emails I get from teachers asking to eat lunch at 12:00.  I understand. No one wants to eat lunch at 10:45 and it is hard to wait until 1:10 to eat lunch as well. Yet, not everyone can eat at 12:00-the cafeteria can’t hold 500 students all at once- nor can the café staff feed 500 students all at once. I want my way every single day. I want things done my way-on my timeline-in the way that I would do it, but guess what-if I went around expecting that I would be one miserable human. The greatest enemy of relationships is selfishness.  I never feel that we can always give in each time to keep peace-if you do that- you’re just as wrong as one who refuses to compromise. You must know what you believe in and what you’re willing to compromise about-never compromising on your pedagogical believes.

Finally, making Christ the center of your lives is foundational. Now, I know this is blog about school and I am not “supposed” to talk about God in schools (Just as a side bar, I get so angry when folks say that God is not in schools and that is what is wrong with schools), but I believe that there is this higher power in our world, and I just happen to believe that it is God. I believe that we are to strive to do more right than wrong, more good than evil, and more love than hate. When we are striving to be good people, we naturally do good things.

You see, Billy Graham was a simple man, because this thing we call life, is not all that hard after all.  All those lessons can be applied to our teaching life and with just a little effort we can be just as devoted as he was to what we believe so strongly.

Broken Hearts

Very early in my teaching career, the Columbine school shooting massacre occurred. This made us all uneasy about school safety. Discussions began about a safety plan, we had our first active shooter drill, and we had meeting after meeting with our administration about what would we do if….. I remember thinking then that my school administrators, as wonderful as they were, really had no good answers to some of the questions that we, teachers, were asking. My classroom, at a very old school, was outside the main school building. The door to the rest of the building was some 150 feet away from my classroom and was unlocked each day from open to closing. The school itself was less than 50 feet from a major highway. It was not a safe situation any way you looked at it. Each time I asked my principal, the what ifs, he could never give me an answer that helped ease my anxiety. He was, in fact, doing the best he could do to answer the questions of how you keep 800 students and 100 staff members safe in the event of an active shooter within the sacredness of our school.

Fast forward 20 years and I, now, am an administrator. I have students, staff, and parents asking me those same questions. Wednesday morning, I buried my father after his death caused by a drunk driver-a year to the day that I buried my mother. Wednesday was an emotionally draining day and as I climbed into bed Wednesday night, I turned on the TV to see that once again another school shooting had occurred and many lives were lost and many others were effected. I became scared. Even though I believe that my own children are safe at their schools, I simply can’t have much more loss in my life. I ordered bullet proof bookbags for them. I used to teach my children to be big boys and now I teach them to be smaller targets. I talked with them about what to do, how to react, where to go, and how to stay alive in the event of a school shooting. I have talked with them about talking to adults if they hear or see something that concerns them.  And I am a school administrator! Should I not be reassuring my children, that their school is safe and this will never happen in their school?

I thought about Martin Luther King, Jr. He is one who I quote often. One of my most favorite quotes from him states, “Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?” You see, in the days and weeks to come we will talk about gun control. We will talk about making our school safer. Both subjects are things I feel compassionate about. I believe that guns are not bad; although, I will never understand why anyone needs an assault rifle unless you are military. I also believe that we can never make our schools safe enough. I welcome questions on how and why we do what we do. But at the end of the day, each of these school shooters, are disturbed people. At the end of the day, what are we doing for them? How are we helping those who need help? Are we paying attention to those who are showing us signs of disturbance? Are we looking for signs of mental illness, depression, anxiety, or a hosts of other problems? Are we teaching students academia as well as how to deal with emotions? Are we using adverse childhood trauma indicators to project help for students? Are we helping those students who are lonely? Are we really addressing any bullying?

As an administrator, I want to have answers to all the questions. I want to make you all feel safe and protected. Parents give us their most prized possessions. They give us their hearts every single day. That trust is something I don’t take lightly. It is why I don’t apologize when folks get mad about some of our safety procedures-and yes I will continue to lock that gate each morning immediately at 7:50am. It is why I lose my stuff when a door is propped open. It is why I don’t tell everyone every part of our safety plan-not everyone needs to know all that we have in place. It is why we practice lock down drills. Yet, what am I doing for those students who are sad, who are angry, who show signs of being hurt? You see, I fully believe that we don’t have a gun problem, we have a heart problem.

My heart has been broken in a million pieces in the last 367 days. I am lonely-not many people have experienced what I am going through. I feel picked on in some way. I am angry at the man who killed my father. I am hurting. I feel broken. Yet, I am not going to hurt myself and others. Why? Because I had amazing parents, wonderful teachers, and wise mentors who have helped through the years to give me tools to deal with my emotions. I also have a deep faith and I know that my God will not leave me. Not all children have that background. Not all children know how to deal with emotions. Not all children know how to respond to brokenness. While I still don’t have all the answers, I know the right questions-what are we doing for others?

Frustration

The last two weeks have been challenging.  I just felt like at every step I took, I would be knocked back two or three steps. I felt like I wasn’t being heard. I felt like the things that I have discussed countless times with so many were either forgotten or ignored. I struggled with data. I was restless with lack of engagement. I felt like I was fighting for what I know is best for students.

Just like Alexander said, in the best children’s book ever, “some days are just like that.” But unlike Alexander, I needed to understand why. I needed to know what was the cause of my frustration.  Like, does this job ever get easy? Then a friend who is in his second year of being a principal sent me a text the other night that said, “does this ever get easier?”  I just laughed that he was asking the same question that I was. Realizing that he must be having a hard day, I gave him a call and the answer for him and the answer for me had been staring at me on my quote board above my desk the whole time.

The quote I copied from a book years ago reads, “It’s easy to have a mediocre school. Having high expectations for all children takes courage.” You see, I am not frustrated because people aren’t listening or data is difficult to wrangle with. I am frustrated because doing what’s right for students and giving every single student what they need to be successful is not for the faint of heart. What you do in your classroom matters. Having the highest expectations for your students AND for yourself requires a dedication beyond a 7:45-3pm job. It requires so much more. It is hard work. It is tough with our simple preteaching training to understanding the complexities of teaching young children to read and write and compute math.

You see, my frustration is not frustration….it is the pain of the needle moving. So I will change my language….I am no longer frustration…..I am sore….I am sore from the heavy lifting we are doing of raising the performance of our students. Who will join me?