First failure..

Recently I drove by the school of my very first teaching interview. I will never forget pulling into this  school over 20 years ago for a job interview.  I was so excited to get a job teaching, a goal that I had for myself for over 20 years and had worked hard in and out of the classroom to put myself into this position.  I had the right outfit, a wonderful portfolio that I had put together, and arrived a precise 10 minutes early for the interview.  I made eye contact and shook hands with the principal and assistant principal when they introduced themselves. The first 5 questions or so I was on fire.  I had great answers for each question and with each answer I became more and more confident.  Then things went south. I stumbled over a question about urban and suburban, mixing up their definitions. I then had a hard time finding the right words to answer a question about poverty.  I stumbled through the last few question as my confidence diminished.  This left me frustrated and I honestly remember, for the first time in my life, feeling that my dream of being a teacher was in jeopardy.  My next interview was in my hometown. My poor interview the week before had cracked me.  I was a nervous wreck.  I wasn’t myself, I lacked belief that I could do it, and I failed again (although I was later offered the job).  This left me even more upset, mad, and with less confidence than ever before.  

Then I started thinking about my goal.  I wanted to be a teacher.  I wanted to change the lives of kids, I wanted to make a real difference in those around me.  So, I contacted one of my professors and asked for a fake interview.  I asked the principal of the school where I was student teaching if she would pretend interview me and give me feedback and advice.  I read and I reflected on the past two interviews. It was also about this time that I read a wonderful quote that I've kept in the front of my journal for years, "Allow your passion to become your purpose, and it will one day become your profession" (Gabrielle Bernstien). Now, I think you all know how the story ends-clearly I got a job.  After a couple of weeks of really hard work, I was called to other interviews.  I vowed to myself that I would not let my doubts or fears enter my mind as I answered their questions with complete honesty and confidence.  I was offered that job, and two others actually.  

Looking back I think about what ignited me more. Was it my inner fear of never being employed or was it my drive to be the very best at whatever I do? Probably a little of both. So as I drove by the school of my first failure this weekend, I started thinking? What ignites your fire?  What motivates you to want to improve?  Do you even measure your improvement? Do you see the need for growth? Every day I’m motivated to improve.  Sometimes that motivation comes from outside-a blog I’ve read, feedback from a teacher, or a situation that didn’t go so well, and sometimes that feedback comes from within.  No matter what, I am constantly striving to do things better. So as we enter the homestretch to spring break, what is igniting you? I can promise you that working hard for something you don't care about is stressful, but working hard for something you really believe in-something you love-is called passion. That passion can ignite many flames. 

Hour of Power

I grew up in church. If the doors were open, we were there. My parents never missed an opportunity to have their family in church.  I loved it and if truth be told, I still do. The last two weeks I have not been to church. This is not by some protest, but I have been out of town. In the three weeks since I have been to church on Sunday, I have volunteered at a church event, had my small group bible study-twice, and had another meeting at church. Yet, last night as I was unpacking my clothes, I exclaimed to my husband how much I missed church.  As with many of my exclamations, he just smiled and I demanded to know the reason behind the smile. He explained that I have church every day- I read, I pray, I spend quiet time in meditation, and I try (and often fail) really, really hard to live a Christ like life. He stated that what I missed was the feeling of church. In fact, he questioned me on the last sermon I heard and its content.  Sadly, I could not remember the sermon. I thought and I thought and I thought and I could remember a song we sang and I could remember who preached (our church is in transition of pastors right now) but for the life of me, I could not remember the sermon.

As I have discovered in my almost 20 years of marriage, my husband is right many times. What I was missing was the hour of being at church and the wonderful message from our pastor and the beautiful music, and the friendships I have there. The "Hour of Power" is what it can be referred to as many times.  I was missing the feeling of church. It is a place that I am comfortable. It is a place where I feel great for an hour each week. This got me thinking about school and really about this blog.

Oftentimes I am told by staff members how much they cannot wait for the weekly Monday Musing to come out. They love reading whatever I’ve written. I often wonder; however, is it just the weekly ritual of the Monday Musing or is it because they are really interested in growing and learning in their craft or is it just fun to read what crazy idea I’ve come up with this week and how I relate it to school? Growing and learning how to be a better educator, leader, mother, wife, and friend has always been high on my list of reading material. I love to learn more about how to do all of those things better. Reading is great. Reading is fun for me. But reading about how to be better will not get me there. I have to actual practice being better. But first, I want to want to be better.  In the four years that I have written the Monday Musings, I have tried to make you think. I have challenged you to become better today than you were yesterday. I have tried to help you realize the awesomeness of this position and the real life potential you have to affect the trajectory of a child’s life.

I felt compelled this week by something that happened last week to challenge you to not make the Monday Musing a ritual that I sometimes make my Sunday church service. I just needed to say that I do this Monday Musing not to make you feel good for the few minutes it takes to read. I do this to hopefully help you continue to grow.  And unlike my church service, I hope you retain a little something along the way.

Wishing for better vision......

This weekend was Rosebro2’s 13^th birthday. I now have another teenager in my house. It seems unbelievable that he is 13. He is such a precious, young man and he has come so far since the days of appointments in Greenville twice a week dealing with his speech issues and his development. While he still has some social issues, he otherwise is very normal comparatively on the scale of whatever a normal teenage can be.  We had a great day on Saturday-not thinking about the one phone call that wasn’t coming. My mother always loved birthdays. There would be a phone call first thing in the morning singing Happy Birthday and presents and cake. How she loved a birthday cake. Saturday was hard. So when things are hard for me-I do what I do best-avoidance.

We went to a baseball game and we went to the westside to do a little shopping. As we were shopping I explained to my boys that we needed to look at the clearance rack first.  After a little shopping we went for lunch. As we entered the shopping center where the restaurant was, I noticed a homeless couple begging for money. They had two children with them. While I don’t know their circumstances, I could not help but feel a twinge of sadness that I had just complained about having to shop at the clearance rack and hoping I had a coupon for lunch while this family was outside in the cold wind begging for money for food and rent.

I realized that my life-my wonderful, full, blessed, crazy life, is slammed full of everyday blessings that I am choosing to ignore. Rather than focusing on “counting my blessings” as my mother would say, I choose to focus on the things that I want to change-another year with my mother, my never ending to do list, unending emails, phone calls to be returned, thank you notes to be written. Yet the only thing that I really need to be focused on is seeing better.  When I see better, I see moments of incredible wonder surrounding every single day.

As teachers we can be very consumed with what is wrong. I heard Tony Robbins once say, “What’s wrong is always available, but so is what’s right!” When we focus on the good things, we tend to find more of it. This positive focus also allows us to be happy-even through trails. It is also contagious. When we tend to focus on what is going wrong, we miss what is going right. So much energy can be lost on focusing on the negative.  I challenge you in these last three weeks before spring break, to focus on what is right-not on what you have left to do. When we do this, it makes the work ahead seem so small compared to the work we have already done. This habit of awareness makes your heart happier and who doesn’t need to be happier. 

Perspective

Many years ago, my husband installed a Sirius radio in my car for my birthday. This was well before satellite radio came preloaded in your car’s factory radio. I was somewhat pleased but also a little miffed that my husband spent money on something that we already had in the car-for FREE.  Yet, I instantly fell in love with Sirius (which is now XM). Having a station with all 80s music, numerous talk radio stations (my favorite), and uninterrupted playtime with no commercials has been amazing. With anything; however, there are limitations and sometimes I am not pleased with my satellite radio. For instance, it is not always commercial free all the time.  The talk radio does repeat many of their shows and they change their stations numbers so often that I have difficulty exploring other options and mainly stick to the same 5-10 channels all the time. Recently my renewal papers arrived and I really wondered if I should renew. My car has the capability to play anything on my phone- Itunes, Pandora, and even podcasts FOR FREE.  After some debate (and calling to negotiate a different price), I decided to renew my subscription to the satellite radio because it really is worth the price.

When I was thinking about this process, it reminded me a little of how people see us and how we see experiences. I am fully aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see. It really is all about perspective and circumstances. How we view things really is about our perspective. I recently read a very old quote from a Roman emperor that states, “Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is perspective, not the truth.” How very wise. We all think through a lens that is colored by our own experiences and beliefs. Yet, occasionally when we open ourselves up to other perspectives, we open to an entirely different way to thinking. Being open to different perspectives can so improve our day to day interactions with others. For years I have been using the “have to” vs. “get to” perspective. Instead of saying I “have to” cook dinner for my family, I restate it in my mind as, I “get to” cook dinner for my family. The truth is I don’t have to cook. I can call Hub City Delivery, but the new perspective is, “I get to prepare something my family will enjoy together.”

So how does this apply to us here at school.  We have many obligations as educators….attend a meeting, turn in grades, call that parent back, complete the field trip form, and the list goes on and on. It can feel burdensome. It can feel tiring. It can feel overwhelmed. But what if we thought about those obligations as opportunities… I get to go to an RTI meeting and discuss a troublesome students with my highly qualified team of folks, I get to invest in the life of a child, I get to meet the needs of a student by listening to the concerns of a parent. Obligations can drain us. Opportunities can excite us. Obligations can discourage us while opportunities can give so much to us. Obligations require complaint, while opportunities give us a reason to give thanks. So at this very busy time of year, the crunch time of school, how is your perspective moving you forward or is it holding you back?