Choose Your Hard

As I stated last week, Rosebro#1 will be driving very soon. It has been a very interesting time as a parent. The thought of him driving puts me in quite the conundrum. I want him to drive. I cannot tell you the number of times he has been the last one picked up from golf practice as I coming barreling in on two wheels. Several times he has been playing golf and a spring or summer storm will quickly form and the "poor" kid has had to hang out with those men in the club house who enjoy, instead of going home, “locker room talk”, lots of beverages, and playing cards- probably fun for him, not so much the fun I wish for him to have.  I am constantly being asked to take him to a friend’s house. I cannot even begin to talk about how much I look forward to him helping me with transporting Rosebro2 to and from his various activities. 

Then I start thinking about the first time he will roll down the driveway without me. The loss of control is enough to make me anxious. I will also miss our talks in the car. In fact, he was so embarrassed about “the talk” that we had to have that talk on I-85 because he refused to discuss these things at home and threatened to jump out of the car anytime I tried to bring it up-the only time he didn’t threaten to jump out was traveling about 80MPH going down the interstate.  I will miss the conversations, seeing the Mom of the friend when I drop him off, reminding him of his behaviors, and singing to our favorite songs. All of this seems like so far away each time I have to drive with him.

As a former special education teacher, one of the skills I learned quickly when trying to help my students was the breaking down of skills. Any skill I needed the student to learn, I had to take away all assumptions that the student knew any of the prerequisite skills necessary to complete the task. Teaching Rosebro1 to drive is really no different. He is 15. At an extremely rough estimate he has been in a car at least 11,000 times in his life. Yet, simple skills such as which way to push the blinker button or how to turn on windshield wipers has gone unnoticed and must be taught. I specifically teach so many skills that are almost subconscious for me now as a driver for thirty+ years. This is hard work. It is hard because I am having to remind myself of things that innate for me but are unknown for him. It is hard because I do not think pharmacists make Xanax strong enough to deal with the levels of anxiety I feel. It is hard because he makes mistakes-even when we discussed and practiced what to do what feels like a million times. It is hard as well because what I never want to get is that phone call that my child has been in an accident that has harmed himself, others, or both. Teaching him is hard. Him not knowing is hard. I choose my hard.

Last week I was talking with a frustrated teacher who stated, “we do this. I don’t know why they don’t know it.”  I started thinking about Rosebro#1 who has been in a car over ten thousand times. If I use that same mentality, then I should hand over the keys and let him go. In order for him to get it, I have to specifically, purposefully, and repeatedly teach him the variety of skills necessary. I have to scaffold information. I now model behavior as I drive and he rides. I speak aloud about the red light, but stopping and paying attention and then turning right. I talk aloud about why I am doing what I am doing not for my benefit but for his. I model good behavior such as keeping my cell phone in the back seat rather than taking phone calls or reading text/emails. After I’ve modeled it and he can talk about it at a level where it seems he understands it, we then allow him to have guided practice. When all of this occurs, there will be a day-much sooner than I am ready-when he will do all of this independently.

 Nike’s famous slogan, “just do it” left out some important steps. As teachers, our students can’t “just do it!” It is one reason why worksheets drive me crazy. Busy students do not indicate students who are learning. Students will not learn information just by doing it. Do they need practice?  Absolutely. But what they need more is modeling and direct, specific, purposeful, and repetitive teaching. Only then can a student be successful independently. This type of teaching is hard. It is hard to establish small groups in your classroom. It is hard to make data driven decisions in your classroom. It is also hard to have students not on grade level. It is hard to scaffold learning. It is also hard to find 8 hours worth of "work" each day for students. It is also hard to work hard every day and not see much progress. Choose your hard.