Rudolf

Due to holiday travel......this week's Monday Musing is a little early........ Happy Holidays

My favorite Christmas story of all times is Rudolf the Red Nose  Reindeer, which I just learned is celebrating its 50th anniversary.   It wasn’t until I was an adult that I really realized why it was I loved the movie so much.  It is because of Rudolf.  Rudolf, you see, is “that child”.  Rudolf wasn’t just simply scared to lead Santa’s sleigh, Rudolf was beaten down, broken. He lacked confidence. Rudolf didn’t believe in himself.  He had lost hope.  Rudolf could have been me.  I was once the child who was picked on, made fun of,  and not successful at very much.  The story of Rudolf has a grand ending.  It is one that I hope I can write one day about me.  Mrs. Bozard was my Santa and she made me believe I, too, could do anything. If you are anything like me, you’ve probably even taught some Rudolfs in your career.  I know I have.  One such Rudolf I had was Roger.  Roger didn’t fit in with anyone.  He struggled in every way imaginable-his parents were both drunks, he lived in pure squalor, he smelled bad many days, he had a terrible learning disability that caused him to be far below his grade level.  One Christmas season my husband and I “adopted” Roger and his siblings.  This was well before the days of kids and shopping for kids wasn’t stressful.  It was fun.  During school one morning, I snuck to Roger’s house and delivered his gifts to his mother.  She asked if I would take them all back and give them the money because the power had just been turned off.  She was, of course, already drunk, and it was 10am.  I gave her the gifts and told her I would see what I could do but I wanted her kids to have presents on Christmas.  The next day Roger came into school defeated.  He cried most of that day and my heart was broken.  He also made no mention of the gifts that should have been still beautifully wrapped underneath their unlit tree, but he made no mention of this. I assumed those gifts were now in a bottle. So, with the help of the district social worker, we were able to find funds to get their power turned back on.  Still the entire Christmas break, I worried if Roger’s parents had sold  his gifts and he would have nothing.  I even found myself driving by his house a few times during break just hoping he would be outside in his new shoes.  He never was. When we returned from break, there was Roger beaming from ear to ear and he couldn’t wait to show me his brand new “kicks” and his Gamecock sweatshirt (yes, even a die hard CU fan can buy a gamecock shirt).  You honestly could feel his joy.  At a football game a few weeks ago, I was waiting on the team to come out for the start of the game when I heard my name being called.  I turned around and while I didn’t recognize him at first I suddenly realized it was Roger.  We talked about his life and the fact that he was there to see the team play because his girlfriend’s son was on the team.  He has a job working for a company that sprays electrical poles for kudzu. He has a few kids and a good life.  His mom died a few years back and his dad was still in Spartanburg.  His brother was in jail and his sister had been down a bad path but he was pulling her out of it and had her and her kids living with him.   What happened next, stopped my heart.  It was time to part ways and he gave me a huge hug. I wished him a Merry Christmas. When he hugged me he said, “I’ll never forget that Christmas when you gave us all those presents. I don’t ever forget and I always help somebody too.”  I just watched him walk away and was once again reminded of the awesomeness of this job.  Every so often I am reminded in the most incredible way of how much what we do matters...not just for a moment but for a lifetime... our lifetime and many others.

This past week was more than exciting for our students.  The holiday anticipation is rampant, but I continually remembered that it is not always joyous for each child in our schools.  Our schools and you are the safe haven that many of our students need.  We provide consistency, love, understanding, medical care, patience, and even gifts.  Some of you have Rudolfs, or Rogers, in your room.  So while your stress level is at an all time high, please remember for some of our students, they are leaving a safe place where two meals are provided for them each day and they know they will be cared for.  Don’t lose that spirit with them even in the midst of the stressfulness of our week.  As you all know by now Mrs. Bozard saw my shiny red nose and knew I could do more than those around me thought I could– just like Santa did for Rudolf.  So I ask you, who is your Rudolf?

All Alone in a Crowded Room......

Saturday did not go as I had planned. I woke up Saturday morning with a fever and a horrible feeling that I was swallowing glass. By mid-morning I knew I needed a help and usually in our home that means my husband calls one of his doctor friends. Yet, on this day it seemed no one was available to help me so I found myself at one of those “Doc in a box” urgent care places. As I was in the waiting room with many other coughing, aching folks (my true definition of torture), I picked up a dated magazine and started flipping through the germ infested pages. I came across an article titled “All alone in a crowded room.” The article caught my attention for the mere fact that I find an oxymoron interesting. Call me a literary nerd if you wish, but the use of this literary technique will get me each time. It could have been the fever, but I thought this article to be interesting in that many people often lack companionship even when they are in a relationship-albeit with a spouse, friends, and even a workplace.  

The more I read, the more I started agreeing with the very oxymoron that first enticed my interest. I realized I was reading about me in so many ways. When I was in high school, I started thinking about colleges-early.  Most of my friends were worried about boys and teasing their hair higher than the day before while I was trying to find the best small college that would prepare me to be a teacher and would not cost me a fortune. When trying to discuss this with my friends, they would roll their eyes and sing Cyndi Lauper to me (Girls just wanna have fun). While in college, I was shocked by my friends who were able to blow off class or stay out all night before a big test. I was no prude, but I often was surrounded by folks who were just not as focused on goals like I was- in fact I very rarely found anyone who had goals. I often found myself lonely with no one to talk to about measurable goals and my future. My first teaching job was in a school with many young teachers who were young mothers. I had little in common with these ladies and most of them were 7:30-3 teachers which left me alone in my planning, reflections, and difficulties as a first year teacher. Just recently, while completing my dissertation, I had many folks in my cohort either not finish, “take time off”, or drop out of the program altogether. In fact, I was the first in my cohort to finish. Many didn’t understand my commitment level and I was even judged for the amount of time I spent researching and writing in an effort to get finished. Others in my cohort were working on their dissertation slowly and were not willing to give up or sacrifice an entire year of their life the way I did. I am not saying either was wrong or right, it was just very lonely to call upon my friends for help and all I got “you’re trying to do too much” rather than the help I needed. As an administrator, I work in a building with 64 other folks each day and have more conversations in some days that I can even count, yet there are moments when I feel all alone.  

After my diagnosis of strep, I was waiting at the pharmacy for the drugs that would hopefully end the idea that I would never be able to swallow again. As it is in our small town, I ran into three JBE kids while waiting all wanting hugs (I politely declined). One student who was in the pharmacy is a difficult little booger. He tests his teacher every day. I struggle with ideas on how to help him with his problems although I know what is causing it-a very bad home life. This little guy wouldn’t take no for an answer and was sitting in my lap before he left. While I must say my first thought was I could be giving his teacher an early Christmas present by gifting this student with strep- we all know even our best students lose their minds the week before winter holidays, I also started feeling a little sad. A man sitting next to me at the pharmacy, having watched three students come talk to me, while all I really wanted was a blanket and a bed, said “I bet you can’t wait for the holidays”.  

This is where my loneliness started creeping back. This man has no idea. Yes, I love the holidays. I will not miss 7am car duty.  I will not miss coming to school in the dark and leaving in the dark. I will not miss getting 60-100 emails every day. I love getting to spend uninterrupted time with my boys without the daily battle of schedules, homework, and grades. I love getting to go out to lunch, to a real restaurant, and catching up with my non-teaching friends. I love watching football every day. I love going to the movies at 2pm. I love staying up past 10pm and sleeping late. But I what I do not love is not seeing our students for two weeks. I worry about many of them. I worry that some may not have enough to eat. I worry that some will not be supervised well. I worry that some will have grave disappointment on Christmas morning. I worry that some will go two weeks without hearing positive thoughts, words, or ideas. I worry that some will move and I will never see them again. And I feel very alone for feeling dread rather than elation for Friday. As you enjoy your two week holidays please remember our students and ensure them that this week is wonderful, safe, and inviting. They may be very lonely until they return.

Not I..........

On the two days prior to Thanksgiving break, our students participated in the Palmetto Bowl challenge.  Using coins, students voted for the team they most wanted to win the Palmetto Bowl (we even had a place for students to add coins if they didn’t care who won the Palmetto Bowl).  All of the money raised was to be given to Spartanburg’s HOPE Center. Because we had just finished our annual Boosterthon fundraiser (which was WILDLY successful by the way) and it was on a Monday and Tuesday before a holiday, I really didn’t anticipate a large amount of participation. I try very hard to have good rapport with our students and one student told me that she hoped Clemson lost the challenge and then asked, if they do lose, what are you going to do?  I thought on it for a minute and realized that I should just dress like a Gamecock if Clemson lost the challenge. 

During Thanksgiving weekend, Rosebro1 and I took the coins to coinstar hoping for at least $100.  Apparently Rosebro1 and I failed estimation in school, and were both amazed when the total given was $302.  However, I realized that CU had lost the coin challenge in a bad way… $92 to USC’s $211.  I realized that I had to quickly find a Gamecock costume and upon having no such luck without spending the $302 for rental, I decided upon my Chicken costume as punishment for Clemson losing the coin challenge.  As one who always tries to uphold my word, I donned my chicken costume all day- including directing traffic in the morning, during a parent meeting during the day, during classroom visits (I apologized already to those teachers), during lunch, and during afternoon dismissal.  That evening, not wanting to totally destroy the Rosebros’ social life, I did take off the chicken costume for Rosebro2’s school concert. I ran into a JBE parent at the concert and he asked me about the chicken suit. As we talked he said that he never can be too sure what I will be wearing as he rounds the traffic circle. Just two weeks ago I was dressed as Elsa, then Captain America, and I always participate in crazy hair day, pj day (a personal favorite), and any other special event any grade level is having. The father stated that he and his daughter often try to predict what I’ll be wearing as they drive to school and he enjoys the conversations so much with his daughter because as a football coach the mornings are about all the time he has with her right now. As he walked away, he stated, “you’re sure not like the principal I had in elementary school.”

I thought about that statement for the rest of the night. Was that positive or negative? Did he mean that as a compliment or was he judging the fact that I may be a little “less professional” than the principals so many schools have?  The more I thought, the more I realized that I was going to take it as a compliment? Yes, I ensure that our student recognition assembly (beginning of coffeehouse) is loud and exciting. I am as loud as I can get when showing excitement for our students. I play music at carpool. I take on every challenge to dress up, I make challenges with students (and usually lose), I dance with students, I will embarrass myself to benefit a child, I have been made into a humane sundae, been duck tapped to a wall (with a very bad ending), I’ve kissed a pig, I even watch their tv shows so I know the characters, I go to students’ church performances, dance recitals, and athletic events, I ensure I know every child by name, I sit on the floor and play board games with students when they need someone to talk to, I do breathing exercises with students when they are upset, and I can get onto a kid when they’ve made unfortunate mistakes. So that Dad was right. I am not like the principal I had. I do this because I don’t want a school like many other schools are.

My elementary principal, nice enough guy, was stern and scary. I never saw him except when I was “office helper” and he was always sitting in his office (and that was a long time before computers). He never spoke and I was so scared of him that I actually threw up one time when I was called to his office. I had actually won an award but even with that presentation he was somewhat cold and not at all enthusiastic.  School was the place I had to go in the morning and waited until my Mom picked me up in the afternoon. Until it became my social life in my teens, I really never enjoyed school. Of course I had two fantastic teachers who made me love learning, but school-not so much. I promised myself that I never wanted to run a school where children felt the way I did about school. I want kids to be excited that their principal wears an Elsa wig, will dance the popular dances, knows the characters on the Disney channel, will be so proud of your accomplishments that she will burst into song.

I don’t want to be “that kind of principal”. I want to be the principal that inspires, encourages, and cheers for our students. So today I am proud that I am not like "the principal I had."