Relationships matter

Rosebro#1 was recently invited to a birthday party for a kid who really is a friend of a friend. He has only hung out with him when their mutual friend is around. No big deal, he is like his mother-a party is a party-you go-no matter who, what, when, where or why!  The day before this big bash, I asked Rosebro#1 about a gift.  At this age, the go-to gift is usually a gift card. Does he have an iphone-would he want an itunes card? Does he play video games-would he want a gamestop gift card? Does he like the movies-a regal card? Does he do YoungLyfe– a TacoDog gift card. The answer to all of these questions was “I don’t know?”  I don’t know is usually an answer I will not accept. In my opinion, “I don’t know” is just the lazy man’s way of not thinking. But in this case, Rosebro#1 really honestly didn’t know what to purchase as a gift for this kid because he simply doesn’t know him other than his name, his school, and some of his friends.  Out of frustration with his “nagging” mother, Rosebro#1 (in as a respectful manner as any teenager could) asked “What do you want me to do?” My internal self wanted to scream, “have a conversation with your so called “friend”, call your mutual friend and figure this out, think back to your conversations with this kid for any hint of a clue as to what to buy him, but instead I went with “I’ll figure something out.”  So we went with the amazing gift of ca$h. Great gift anyone could use, but a thoughtless one at best. Could he use cash? Probably, but by the looks of his home and the fact that his mother hired a party planner for his 15th birthday, probably not necessary. This got me thinking about our work here in our school.  We focus many times on that question, “What do you want me to do?” rather than “Who are you?”  The more we get to know our students and their families, their situations, the more we know what they need and how to give it to them. Knowing your students on the surface is just not good enough. Anyone can know my name, but knowing something about me, engages me. The book Kids Deserve It was my favorite summer read. I recommended it to another principal who loved it so much she made it her school’s theme this year. One of the main messages from the book is Strong relationships must be at the forefront of what you do each day at your school.  Does each child in your room hear something positive each day? Do you celebrate small moments? Do your kids get high fives, fist bumps, and hugs? Are your students talked to like they’re real people? Do you REALLY believe each child in your room can achieve greatness? Do you eat lunch with your kids? Do you play with them at recess? Do you smile? (I will tell you the idea of Don’t smile until Christmas has and always will be, in my mind, the mark of a miserable teacher) Are you present? We are in a servant occupation. This includes lots of thankless work. We serve the students, but the interesting thing is if you spend time building relationships with students and building the community within your classroom so that students have healthy relationships with you and each other, your work is lessened so very much. After all, the greatest GIFT you can give a child is your patience, love, understanding, and sincerity. You give them that and they’ll give you so much more.