Losing my Marbles

I asked my people not to get me a Mother’s Day gift this year. I was not wanting to really celebrate Mother’s Day, this first one without my mother. I wanted to ignore the day altogether. I wanted to wake up and pretend that it was just a regular Sunday, yell at my family to hurry and get in the car for church, pray that we did not get a speeding ticket on the way to church, get out of the car and pretend that I had not just screamed and yelled at my children for the past 1/2 hour, and then argue about where to get after church lunch. I don’t usually get my way. As it would be, my brother and his wife decided to have their baby dedicated to the church on Mother’s Day. Because my mother lived a faith filled life, it was the perfect day to celebrate her and her much loved first granddaughter. My boys (all 3 of them) didn’t listen about the no gift thing either. They purchased me an extremely special locket that I will cherish like no other. As the day was winding down, Rosebro1 texted me (yes...the 21st century) to come to his room. He had a gift for me. He handed me a jar filled with marbles. 208 marbles to be exact. I’m realizing every single day how much he is like me.  He had read something in his daily devotional about Moms losing their marbles. He told me that he knew he and Rosebro2 (and if he were telling the truth...their Dad) make me lose my marbles most days. He said that I would get them back and he handed me a second container that was empty. He told me that each of the 208 marbles represented the number of weeks I had left with him until he graduates from high school and each week I was to take one marble out of the full jar and put it in the empty jar. When he graduated, I was to receive all my marbles back. The weight of the jar had been burdensome until he told me that. At that moment the jar seemed almost empty and light not because I was soon to be free of him, but because I realized what little time, influence, and guarding I have left with him. My weeks-my days- are numbered with my children. Painful, yet sometimes exciting, thoughts. Rosebro1 was trying to be funny-and I allowed him that. It was later that I cried (sobbed really) and realized that I may be doing an okay job with him after all, but how I wished I had more marbles to give away. When I remember that my days are numbered, it reminds me to make the most out of every day-every moment. I remember to leave the paper work on the desk until the next day, help with homework, to play basketball in the driveway rather than watch TV, plan mom/son dates, go to church as a family, stop stressing so much, eat our meals together, and continue to tuck them in at night. 

As I contemplated my marbles, I thought of our marble losing at school. The last two weeks of school feel like an eternity. They are hard. We have so much to do, the kids are on shutdown mode, and we’ve had a full MOON for goodness sakes! But our marbles are so limited with our students. Our time really is so short. 180 days seems like an eternity in August when your new students don’t yet understand your rules, routines, and procedures and appear to be miles away from where you want them. But 180 days in May seems to have flown by faster than a jet and all we intended to accomplish didn’t happen. So few marbles to give away. Do we intentionally plan to give them away by giving all we have every single day? Or do we stress over the amount of work we have left to do and give them away by being less than our best in order to just make it through the day. If we are going to lose our marbles-and it is bound to happen– should not those marbles matter?

Draft Day

 I am a football junkie and I am a huge Clemson fan. Rosebro2 is no different. The NFL draft was a few weeks ago starting on a Thursday night. Rosebro2 and I had spent many hours discussing possible draft picks and scenarios. We had watched analysis, we made a mock draft, we debated each other's choices.  As it just so happened Rosebro1 & 2 had a concert the night of the draft. The concert was to end at 8 but ran over. A few minutes after 8 my phone buzzed and I saw a news ping detailing the #1 draft pick. I carefully watched Rosebro2. I knew his phone had buzzed in his pocket as well. One to follow the rules, he was caught in a conundrum.  Should he not look at his phone, or would his need to know who the #1 draft pick prevail. Even from the bleachers, I saw the panic in his face. I also saw the very poor job he did of pulling his phone out quickly from his pocket, the "YES" fist pump he made at his seat as he put his phone away. After the concert, we quickly drove home so we could watch the remainder of the draft looking for our Clemson favorites and when they were going to be picked.   

  As we watched the ESPN coverage, I was memorized by the way they scrutinized these players to pieces.  As the announcers were making predictions of who the next pick would be, they gave stats from the college play, their NFL combine, their weight, height, strength, agility, speed, quickness, focus, leadership, and their off the field character. They spoke of their weaknesses and what they needed to do in order to get better.  It got me thinking, what if we had a teacher draft or a principal’s draft?  Would I make round 1?  Would you be a first round pick? Now in the real world this would never work. When I taught 6th grade the first assignment I always gave to judge their writing skills, was to tell about their favorite teacher.  Not one child spoke about an easy teacher or one who gave little homework or showed movies.  What they described was teachers who challenged them, inspired them think, encouraged them and treated them well.  So no need to work on that 40 yard dash, but remember kids are counting on you to be worthy of their number one draft pick. 

#MayMatters

Last Thursday at breakfast, I was talking to the larger group when I said, “the first thing you need to do when you sit down is open up your silverware pack. We do this because everything in there should be used but most importantly your napkin because…” But before I could finish my statement, I was interrupted by two students who, having heard my speech for 6 years knew I would say “manners matter.”  I chuckled at the fact that these two have probably heard me say that phrase at least 500 times since they began kindergarten 6 years ago. I chuckled at the fact that I tend to constantly overuse alliteration. I chuckled mostly because I was pleased that while I’ve not taught them any academic content, I have taught these young men something. You see the cafeteria isn’t a traditional classroom, but I find myself being a teacher every morning. Manners are important. Using your napkin, closing your mouth when you chew, not making a huge mess, not talking while you eat, and how to compost your food and trash when you’re done finds its way into my cafeteria teaching every morning. 

What can I say, I am a teacher and that will never change. I was reminded just today of another alliteration as I watched my cell phone date change from April to May.  May matters. Many times we look at May as the busiest time of year with end of the year testing, field day, awards day, end of the year parties, etc. But what our real focus should be is pushing our students as hard as we can as long as we can. May matters.

I despise those mugs that read “the reason I teach: June, July, and August.”  Yes, the summer months are very needed by us all. It is important to regain energy, motivation, and even some professional development. Our children deserve the summer days of camps, swimming, vacations, sleeping late, and playing past bedtime. But every single minute with our students matters. We still teach. We still motivate. We still need to equip and inspire. We do this in May simply because May Matters. 

Jennifer Hogan is a wonderful blogger who I have been following for some time. She has started a hashtag movement this year entitled #maymatters. I encourage you all to use your social media with your May activities using that hashtag. I don’t encourage you to do this for recognition (or some of the prizes that are offered), I encourage because it gives us some motivation as we are planning meaningful activities for our students in the month of May.

My own children cannot wait to get their Xbox and TV back on weekdays. I don’t allow these things on weekdays during the school year (although I’ve relented for Thursday night football and NBA games….hey, I live with all boys). There are a couple of movies that are coming out this summer they can’t wait to see. They are both attending a camp and I am sure will have plenty of friends over as well as playing pick-up basketball games with kids in the neighborhood. Additionally, Rosebro1 has summer golf tournaments and Rosebro2 has football workouts. I tell you all this to say that our students are very much like my children. They soon will have two months of movies, tv, video games, playtime, hanging out, and being lazy. That should not start in May. There shouldn’t be movies in our classrooms, extra recess, or activities unrelated to learning. They will get so much of that soon. For many of our kids they are so close to reaching the next reading level or mastering that next math concept-why not push them to it…this also helps us in the fall. If kids slip during the summer, the extra push you give them now makes the slip not so far when August kids here. Our kids deserve your professionalism in May, because afterall #maymatters.

Friendships

I recently heard a story about a nine-year-old boy who was diagnosed with cancer. He was given a pretty good prognosis although it would require radiation and chemotherapy. He was so upset about the treatment and the fact that he would be losing his hair. He was nervous about going back to school completely bald. On the Saturday before he was to return to school all the boys in his class came over and held a head shaving party. All the boys in his class shaved their heads so that this one young man would not feel bad about himself returning to school. One of the boys that shaved his head was Brian. Brian, up until that point of his 9-year life, had always worn his hair really long. The reason he did this was because he had unusually large ears that protruded from his head. Wearing his hair long hide his large ears and gave him confidence knowing that the chances of ridicule were lessened. Yet, on the day of the head shaving party, Brian didn’t think twice about shaving his hair all off. He was willing to feel more self-conscience about the way he looked in order to help his friend feel less self-conscience about the way he looked and more included. What a wonderful friend?

The story, while making me cry, made me think about friendships within our classroom. This past weekend I was so excited about the prom at our high school. I loved taking pictures for friends and I adored watching the girls in their beautiful dresses and the young men looking so adorably handsome and so grown up in their tuxes. Yet, what I enjoyed more than anything was watching the friendships between the students. One of the mantras of my church is “you can’t do life alone.” Our church is headstrong in helping everyone find a place in the church so that everyone feels included, but that they also grow together.

Friendships are important. Being lonely is hard. Not just for students but for adults. We talk nonstop about collaboration and communication on your teams, but do we talk enough about fostering that collaboration and communication within your classrooms. I know that some students are harder to like than others. Some students don’t do themselves any favors in making friends. Some students are incredibly shy. Some students are socially awkward. Some students could be best friends with anyone including you. Some students bring schema that include fear, prejudices, exclusion, and/or rejection. This makes your job even harder. But most things worth doing are hard (i.e. exercise…. still trying to convince myself).

I could provide you with hundreds of articles describing how to develop friendships with peers, but the best way to build friendships within your classroom is by modeling. Modeling is the number one friend of a teacher. We should model everything from TDA to math computation, but we also model friendship skills. We model by how we talk to our students, the words we use with our students, how we respond when they’re upset, our treatment when they’re not making good decisions, or the ways we celebrate with them on minor and major accomplishments. DuBois once said, “children learn more from who you are than what you teach.” As my teenagers would say #truth.  Think about your work on a team. You can get so much accomplished when everyone works together-your classroom is no different. The friendships matter for the content you teach, but it matters for the humans you teach as well.

4th quarter

Spring Break. Ahhhhhh, spring break. It feels somewhat like Christmas. It is a well-deserved break and rest before the last 7 weeks of school. I often think that we are the busiest school in America, because I all the time try to find a “not busy time” and cannot find such a time in our calendar. I also think that the beginning of school and the end of school are the hardest. Labor Day is the reward for making it the first few weeks of school, spring break is preparation for the hardest weeks, and summer is the reward.  I had many plans for spring break this year. I had wallpaper to take down, rooms to paint, and 3 doctor appointments. I was derailed by the flu and strep throat. I was happy that it happened during spring break so that I had time to rest without the worry of missing any school time and also because I love sports. It was great watching the basketball finals and the Masters while recovering from my unexpected illnesses.

I was excited for the USC men and women’s basketball teams. Anyone who knows me, knows that my blood runs orange-and always will-but this doesn’t mean that I wish ill-will towards another team. I always try to help our students understand that as well. There is nothing wrong with loving your team-you should (even in the bad years)- but there is a lot wrong with being ugly to another person’s team just because they are your team’s biggest rival. One of the reasons I like championship games is the pregame stories. I love hearing the backgrounds of players and coaches. In fact, I believe that coaching is much like teaching, and I study coaches and their approaches with their teams. I think we can learn a lot about our teaching and leadership through watching and learning from good coaches. In most of the final 4 games-both men and women- the games were very intense and very close. I was intrigued by what is a ritual these days of holding up 4 fingers as the fourth quarter begins....(although I think there are only 2 halves in the men’s games…remember I did have a fever). Again, the intensity of these games and the importance of winning was shown on the faces of the players, the gestures of the coaches, and the craziness of the fans. That 4^th quarter acknowledgement is important. The players, the coaches, and the fans hold up those 4 fingers in an almost contract like manner as if stating that they are pledging their honor to give it their all in the last quarter of the game. It is not the time when they start trying hard-they’ve done that the last 3 quarters, but it is a symbolism of leaving it all of the court (or the field-for whichever sport). The players know the W or the L will more than likely be determined by how you finish.  It is exciting to watch. Because I am older and maybe because I have children who play sports, the saddest thing in the world to me is when a game is over and the camera pans to the losing team. I hate watching the players upset. I hate seeing coaches distressed because they must go and shake hands and congratulate the other team all the while wondering what they are going to say to their devastated players when they get into the locker room. But I can’t shake the feeling of the solidarity of the hand raising at the last quarter of the game.

Church ran over yesterday. I cannot tell you how many folks I saw looking at their watches. Yet, last night, my husband and I had our couple’s bible study and while the women were eating in one room doing what we women do-talking, the men were all eating huddled around the TV watching the finale of the Master’s. Cheers came from the room as the tournament went into extra holes as it ended 18 holes in a tie. I got to thinking about school. I got to wondering about our last “quarter” of school. These last 7 weeks are difficult. These last 7 weeks is why we have summer vacation. There is so much to do. There is so much intensity between end of year testing, programs, continually teaching and moving your students forward until the very last day, class placement cards for next year, and end of the year business. But would it not be so much better and so much easier if we acted like those sports teams who raise their hand holding up 4 fingers? 

Instead of complaining about all that must happen in the 7 weeks between now and summer vacation, what if we pledge to work together to make it the best ending of school ever? When this happens, we communicate more, we work together more, we work towards one goal. This makes it easier for all of us. It also makes it right for our students. When we enter the school in the mornings, knowing that there is a lot of work to be done, but knowing that you have a team to help you get it accomplished and knowing that you play an important part in that team, helps our students. It also helps you plan well thought out, meaningful learning engagements for our students in the last few weeks-even with the disruptions of testing, field trips, and programs. Our students, and quite frankly our colleagues, deserve to have the dedication of all faculty and staff to finish strong. I hope you will seriously consider changing your lens to one of (metaphorically-I can see so many of you now walking by my office holding up 4 fingers) entering the 4^th quarter knowing that you are going to give it all you have. You, our profession, and most importantly, our students deserve it.

First failure..

Recently I drove by the school of my very first teaching interview. I will never forget pulling into this  school over 20 years ago for a job interview.  I was so excited to get a job teaching, a goal that I had for myself for over 20 years and had worked hard in and out of the classroom to put myself into this position.  I had the right outfit, a wonderful portfolio that I had put together, and arrived a precise 10 minutes early for the interview.  I made eye contact and shook hands with the principal and assistant principal when they introduced themselves. The first 5 questions or so I was on fire.  I had great answers for each question and with each answer I became more and more confident.  Then things went south. I stumbled over a question about urban and suburban, mixing up their definitions. I then had a hard time finding the right words to answer a question about poverty.  I stumbled through the last few question as my confidence diminished.  This left me frustrated and I honestly remember, for the first time in my life, feeling that my dream of being a teacher was in jeopardy.  My next interview was in my hometown. My poor interview the week before had cracked me.  I was a nervous wreck.  I wasn’t myself, I lacked belief that I could do it, and I failed again (although I was later offered the job).  This left me even more upset, mad, and with less confidence than ever before.  

Then I started thinking about my goal.  I wanted to be a teacher.  I wanted to change the lives of kids, I wanted to make a real difference in those around me.  So, I contacted one of my professors and asked for a fake interview.  I asked the principal of the school where I was student teaching if she would pretend interview me and give me feedback and advice.  I read and I reflected on the past two interviews. It was also about this time that I read a wonderful quote that I've kept in the front of my journal for years, "Allow your passion to become your purpose, and it will one day become your profession" (Gabrielle Bernstien). Now, I think you all know how the story ends-clearly I got a job.  After a couple of weeks of really hard work, I was called to other interviews.  I vowed to myself that I would not let my doubts or fears enter my mind as I answered their questions with complete honesty and confidence.  I was offered that job, and two others actually.  

Looking back I think about what ignited me more. Was it my inner fear of never being employed or was it my drive to be the very best at whatever I do? Probably a little of both. So as I drove by the school of my first failure this weekend, I started thinking? What ignites your fire?  What motivates you to want to improve?  Do you even measure your improvement? Do you see the need for growth? Every day I’m motivated to improve.  Sometimes that motivation comes from outside-a blog I’ve read, feedback from a teacher, or a situation that didn’t go so well, and sometimes that feedback comes from within.  No matter what, I am constantly striving to do things better. So as we enter the homestretch to spring break, what is igniting you? I can promise you that working hard for something you don't care about is stressful, but working hard for something you really believe in-something you love-is called passion. That passion can ignite many flames.