Cheerleaders

Twenty years ago (it is so hard to even type that), I was the cheer coach at SHS. I loved “my girls” and I loved what we did. We started the first competitive cheer squad at SHS and I am embarrassed now when I see Ashley’s SHS squad and how amazing they are compared to how bad we were years ago. One of the reasons I loved coaching was that at that time, I was also teaching ED self contained students. On a good day, this was a difficult job. While I loved it and loved my students, these kids were hard and sad and troubled and amazing all at the same time. They also needed me-a lot of me. I left school physically, mentally and emotional drained many days. And then I headed over to the high school. These girls were adorable. Yes, sometimes dealing with 20 teenage, hormonal girls was much worse than dealing with my 12 ED kids, but overall they were a wonderful distraction from the classroom. I enjoyed their “teenage drama”, their sideline antics, and watching them form as a team and do great things for the football and basketball teams. I loved watching these girls cheer for the teams. There really isn’t anything better than having someone cheer for you. Things came full circle last week, when the night nurse came by my Mom’s room and it just so happened to be one of my former cheerleaders. I was thrilled to see her again as she hadn’t returned to Spartanburg after finishing school at CoC  At some point last week, as I was trying to get my mom to speak, Shimekia was in the room and said something that really resonated with me. Watching me struggle with my Mom and attempting words with her, Shimekia knelt beside me like a player was injured and said “everyone needs a cheerleader, keep it up!” I was discouraged –I was injured-but her words kept me going. She was still my cheerleader and I realized that at that moment I was my Mom’s cheerleader. It got me thinking about our students here and the idea that we are their cheerleaders. We have many students who hear positive words each day. I see it in the car line each morning as they depart their cars with an “I love you, have a great day” but we have many more students who hear nothing-music is on, parent is on the phone or the parent is disengaged. It is one of the reasons that I am loud, enthusiastic, & exciting at car line each morning.  Each student deserves to be greeted by name and with a smile, a hug, a high five, and a wish that they have a great day. In essence I am their morning cheerleader (have no fear, I’m not wearing the short skirt anytime soon). I’ve shared with you before the great Ted Talks video of Rita Pierson (click HERE if you’ve not seen it) who begs you to believe that each child needs a champion. I believe each child-no, each person– deserves a cheerleader. One of the things I do when I walk the halls at 7:50 is look for those cheerleaders. Are you greeting your students? Are you starting your day with a positive interaction because as you know, “kids don’t learn from someone they don’t like.” Do you give high fives through the day? Do you celebrate small moments? Do you talk positively about them? In essence are you your students’ cheerleaders? Do you encourage them? Do you kneel with them when they’re hurt? Do you cheer loudly when they do good? We all deserve to have a cheerleader. Let me know if you need pom-poms.

Fan Club

     Two of the biggest benefits of being done with my dissertation is having my weekends back and being able to go back to football Saturdays with my family.  Last Saturday, we watched Clemson try really really hard to lose to Troy State.  It was exciting for another reason as well because Cedarius Rookard, former JBE student and SHS graduate, plays for Troy and Tavien Feaster, a 2016 SHS graduate, plays for Clemson.  My husband, not being a SC native, married into this Clemson craziness. While he pulls for Clemson, probably out of fear of divorce and the fact that pretty much all men in my family have a gun in their trucks, my husband tolerates Clemson tailgating, 80,000 loud fans, and the insane traffic coming into and leaving Death Valley. But this game was different.  He was super excited to see two of his former players on the big stage. Cedarius was the first player to touch the ball in the game running back the opening kickoff. Unfortunately Troy scored on their first drive, and kicked off to Clemson to none other than Tavien Feaster.  I got such a kick out of watching my husband-as well as trying to explain to the folks around us why we were decked out in orange and purple but cheering for Cedarius and the excitement of seeing Tavien in his first game. 

     As the game came to a dramatic end, my husband (never one to really like this at Clemson) raced down to the field in order to find Tavien and/or Cedarius. Now if you know my husband, you understand why I watched in amazement. He is my polar opposite. I am full of energy, excitement and enthusiasm. I have ADHD and am never still even when sitting, I am loud and can be a tab bit embarrassing while he is laid back, quiet, reserved, and somewhat a wallflower in public situations. But on the field he was almost running over folks to find his former students. While watching my husband act in a non-predictable manner, got me thinking about us with our students.  Cedarius had a great game, but his team lost. Tavien only touched the ball a few times. Yet, my husband needed to high five them, give them a “man” hug, and congratulate them. It was important to him to celebrate with “his kids”. 

     My thoughts drifted to our students. Our students don’t usually make it on the big screen. Our students’ “big moments” may be staying on green two days in a row, finally getting that math concept you’ve been working on for weeks, writing a complete story with a beginning, middle, and end or even engaging in conversation.  But the feelings are the same as if they are on the big stage in front of 80,000 screaming fans.  Do we celebrate those moments? Or do we worry about what they don’t know? Do you spend time patting them on the back for what they did right or do you focus on what is left undone? My husband celebrated with Tavien as if he had won the Heisman and he honestly touched the ball only twice and it reminded me of one of the most important lessons of our classrooms.  Don’t forget to celebrate-big and small. We all need a fan club.

I wasn't prepared for that

     On my second day of teaching (yes, literally my 2nd day of teaching), I had a student,Walter, throw a chair, called me a b%&$^, and bite me.  He was five.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  That same year one of my students watched her mother almost beaten to death by her father.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  My third year teaching, I had a student, a 6th grader, hospitalized after her grandmother had given her a "at home" abortion.  Yes, she was pregnant -at age 11.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  My fifth year teaching, I had a student die in a fire at home.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  My sixth year teaching, I had a child lose his mother unexpectantly and no family wanted him.  He was ripped away from us and into foster care so I never saw him again.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  In the last class I taught, I had a student ask me if I’d ever thought about suicide because she was going to do it that that night.  I wasn’t prepared for that.  I fully believe that we are where we are for a certain purpose.  Call it a higher calling, predestination, fate, or dumb luck.  I believe we are where we are at any given moment because we are supposed to be.  I was not prepared for any of the situations-the horrible ones described previously-or many others such as teaching literacy to a classroom made up of high flyers and non readers and a little of everything in between, math or science when I came out of college with a teacher’s certificate in hand thinking I was an expert on all things education.  I had a desire however and I have picked up a lot of knowledge along the way.  While I had not been prepared, I made it through each one of those situations. Sometimes I used my mentors, my principal, my faith, and/or my team. I handled each moment, some better than others. Sure, I had surges of doubting my abilities to teach difficult students in difficult situations but never, not once did I ask to be rid of my student or wish that I didn’t have him/her.  You see, while I was never prepared, I knew that I was, for the most part, all many of those children had. 

     Last week I went to the yellow mall and stupidly left my interior lights on and came back to a dead battery.  I did what every wife does during football season and called her husband to come rescue her. As I waited, cars would pull up and I would think it was him only to be disappointed when it wasn’t his truck.  But when I finally did see his truck and three faces all beaming at me from the interior, I felt such relief.  I was safe and I knew they would fix my problems (well, I kinda knew-my hubby can heal you but he isn’t that great at the handy man stuff) and I’d be home in no time.  You see for your most troubled students, you are that savior. Many of them have had others in and out of their life-like the glimmer of hope those cars provided for me in the parking lot. For your most troubled students,  you are the one constant in their lives.  This doesn’t make it easy. I know how hard it can be for you and your other kids.  Walter, the biter, never made it fun that first year.  I cried many afternoons alone in my classroom. I cried many afternoons on the way home, to my friends, to my mentors, to my principal.  I wondered if I even wanted to teach.  I wish I could give you a great success story on Walter but I can’t.  I can give you a success story on his teacher.  I never gave up on him.  I wasn’t prepared for that. 

College Colors Day

Our College Colors day on Friday was so much fun. The “tailgate” party we had in the cafeteria was a bit wild and a lot loud, but it was a fantastic way to end the week and begin our long Labor Day weekend. It was great seeing the children in all their college colors. As you would expect in any South Carolina school, there was a pretty even mix of orange and black-not for Halloween, but of course for Clemson and USC. But what I found unusual was the vast spread of other college choices-Spellman, Wofford, UNC, Western Carolina, Winthrop, and even one Harvard. 

As I took pictures and interacted with the students, it got me thinking about how vastly different our students are. Just as we had a variety of colleges represented on Friday on tshirts, jerseys, and hoodies, there are other differences in our children. We have some of the most shy children I’ve ever been around. We have one child who I really wonder if she has or will ever speak to me. We have some who are so loud and boisterous that you know the second they walk into the building. We have some students who are reading well above grade level and some who are years behind where they should be academically. We have some students who are very mature and others who lack maturity. We have some who everyone-students and teachers alike-love and others who have very few “in their corner”. We have students who have a loving home with both a mom and dad, and we also have 2 moms homes, 2 dads homes, single parent, being raised by grandparent, and even foster children. We have home dwellers, apartment livers, and even homeless children. We have just about every ethnicity powerschools allows. We have numerous religious and non-religious backgrounds. As I looked at the variety of team choices, the one common denominator was that they were our students.  

During lunch I got some boos from some non-Clemson fans. I explained to these students that it was okay not to be a Clemson fan, but we had to respect each other’s choices. It made me wonder, how many of our students feel “booed” by their differences.  The best piece of advice I ever received as a first year teacher was to remember that my job is to teach the students I have-not the ones I used to have or the ones I wish I had or the ones the teacher next door has, but to teach those I have right now-all of them-even with their flaws. Even if their coach goes for it on 4 and 4 instead of kicking a field goal. Don’t ever boo your students.

Inspire and Equip

Rosebro #1 is in high school this year. While as a parent that comes with so many emotions, as a student it comes with higher stakes for course work, harder classes, and a nagging mother that reminds him every moment that grades equate to money and that every grade matters.  It also means that he is taking math that far surpasses my math capability.  Math has always been a struggle to me. I don’t understand numbers. I fear them. When I was named the National Assistant Principal of the Year, it came with a full scholarship for my doctorate degree.  It was an amazing feeling to know that a dream that I’d had would be coming true-until they told me I had to take the GRE.  One very hot June day, I went to Greenville Tech and took the online GRE. The Verbal part took almost 2 hours. While it was hard, I felt pretty confident. I took a 20-minute break and then the nonverbal section was to begin. Towards the end of the nonverbal section, I literally started guessing. I didn’t even know where to start to answer the questions. A few weeks later, my scores came in and my verbal score was ridiculously high while my nonverbal score was ridiculously low. I was humiliated that my “full ride” scholarship was at risk because my nonverbal scores didn’t match the University’s standards of admission.  During my dissertation process, I had to rely on some far smarter than me to help with the statistics on my study. So just imagine my surprise when this weekend, Rosebro#1 asked for help with his math homework.  As I was helping him, my mind wondered back to Mrs. Mcnair my high school math teacher. I started telling him stories about Mrs. McNair and how funny she was and how she always laughed at me and my “second chance” tests. I started describing how she would bring in “stuff” like baseball trading cards to help describe ratios, she would use catalogs to teach percentages, and various other real life material. She started each class with a corny joke or math limerick. She was so kind and helpful. She always had us back at lunch time or before school for extra help. It got me thinking. I don’t remember much of what she taught me academically. Clearly she taught me some things and made me grow. She gave me confidence in my math schools. She made me love coming into her class. She made me love school. And while her math lessons probably have had an effect on me, her relationship with me has had a far greater effect. Because students will remember how you treated them for far longer than what you taught them.  I had a great mentor remind this weekend about our district’s mission of inspiring and equipping students. While I want to equip them with a high quality education, it is much more important to me that we inspire them. And that begins with the way we treat them. I would much rather a child leave here knowing how to treat others than knowing how to do math correctly…..clearly math aptitude isn’t the one thing to determine success. By the way, Rose Bro#1 now has a math tutor. He clearly didn't enjoy my math story time. #ugg #teenagers

Relationships matter

Rosebro#1 was recently invited to a birthday party for a kid who really is a friend of a friend. He has only hung out with him when their mutual friend is around. No big deal, he is like his mother-a party is a party-you go-no matter who, what, when, where or why!  The day before this big bash, I asked Rosebro#1 about a gift.  At this age, the go-to gift is usually a gift card. Does he have an iphone-would he want an itunes card? Does he play video games-would he want a gamestop gift card? Does he like the movies-a regal card? Does he do YoungLyfe– a TacoDog gift card. The answer to all of these questions was “I don’t know?”  I don’t know is usually an answer I will not accept. In my opinion, “I don’t know” is just the lazy man’s way of not thinking. But in this case, Rosebro#1 really honestly didn’t know what to purchase as a gift for this kid because he simply doesn’t know him other than his name, his school, and some of his friends.  Out of frustration with his “nagging” mother, Rosebro#1 (in as a respectful manner as any teenager could) asked “What do you want me to do?” My internal self wanted to scream, “have a conversation with your so called “friend”, call your mutual friend and figure this out, think back to your conversations with this kid for any hint of a clue as to what to buy him, but instead I went with “I’ll figure something out.”  So we went with the amazing gift of ca$h. Great gift anyone could use, but a thoughtless one at best. Could he use cash? Probably, but by the looks of his home and the fact that his mother hired a party planner for his 15th birthday, probably not necessary. This got me thinking about our work here in our school.  We focus many times on that question, “What do you want me to do?” rather than “Who are you?”  The more we get to know our students and their families, their situations, the more we know what they need and how to give it to them. Knowing your students on the surface is just not good enough. Anyone can know my name, but knowing something about me, engages me. The book Kids Deserve It was my favorite summer read. I recommended it to another principal who loved it so much she made it her school’s theme this year. One of the main messages from the book is Strong relationships must be at the forefront of what you do each day at your school.  Does each child in your room hear something positive each day? Do you celebrate small moments? Do your kids get high fives, fist bumps, and hugs? Are your students talked to like they’re real people? Do you REALLY believe each child in your room can achieve greatness? Do you eat lunch with your kids? Do you play with them at recess? Do you smile? (I will tell you the idea of Don’t smile until Christmas has and always will be, in my mind, the mark of a miserable teacher) Are you present? We are in a servant occupation. This includes lots of thankless work. We serve the students, but the interesting thing is if you spend time building relationships with students and building the community within your classroom so that students have healthy relationships with you and each other, your work is lessened so very much. After all, the greatest GIFT you can give a child is your patience, love, understanding, and sincerity. You give them that and they’ll give you so much more.

Words are Important

Last weekend the coaching staff of Rosebro #2's feeder high school hosted a Football Breakfast with Moms.  This was for all Moms who have sons (and I suppose daughters) who play football in the high school's football program.  Because of my husband and the fact that my boys have been around football since birth, I really didn’t think I was going to attend-I actually needed to spend the Saturday before students arrived at school getting ready.  However, on Friday night, guilt set in and I made the decision to go to the event with Rosebro#2.  We started with learning about the real brutality of football and then the steps the staff uses to ensure the safety of our football players.  Remind yourself that I live with the trainer, Rose bro #2 has been playing football since he was in 1^st grade, and my Dad coached football. I truly was about to crawl out of skin when the real fun began. The Moms were then taken through football drills. They began simple enough with stretching exercises and agility practice.  Then we were asked to do tackling drills, dummy jumps, running hills, and even more fun.  I immediately went into internal panic mode.  My next thought was to my 6 year old self. When I was six years old, I loved taking dance lessons.  I practice, I twirled, I danced non-stop. My mom worked extra to pay for dance lessons. I’ll never forget inviting my 1^st grade teacher to my dance recital.  I’m sure she said something about coming (many of us do this) and quickly got back on task, but I’ll never forget at recess that day, I was playing tag with the boys and hiding on a side of the building when I heard Mrs. Sprott telling the other teacher, “I was invited to by Meredith,  like she’s ever going to be a ballerina, not with her size.” To this day, I can still feel the air leaving my body and my eyes filling up with tears. Now some 38 years later, I am still nervous in athletic situations because of Mrs. Sprott.  I don’t tell you all of this to make you sad for my chubby 6-year-old self.  In fact, as much as I loved dance, I loved football more. I did eventually become a cheerleader for a number of years and still dance given the opportunity. I tell you this to remind you of the power of your words.  You see, I believed Mrs. Sprout. I believed her because she was my teacher. Her words held power. So much so, her words became my inner voice for many years. And if I am honest, still today as I get sweaty palmed when asked to do anything physical in front of others. Instead of lifting me up, she made me doubt myself. She made me realize that I was not good enough. She made me feel like a failure.  Now, was I made to be a dancer. Not no, but heck no. I would have realized that out naturally through time, but I was developing confidence, teamwork, and was getting a lot of physical activity (much needed by my 6 year old chubby self –not to mention my 44 year old self) . But with her words, she took that away from not only that 6 year old, but from me for many years. As our students enter the building today, for the 2016-2017 school year, I beg of you to remember the power of your words….the power to build, the power to equip, the power to inspire our students. It matters not just for today, but for every day afterwards. Had it not been for Mrs. Sprout, I can only imagine it would have been me instead of Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video (I bet you’ll be signing Dancing in the Dark the rest of the day).