Snoozer Bowl 2019

Both Rosebros went to separate parties to watch the Super Bowl yesterday. Rosebro1 drove to his gathering. Rosebro2 wasn’t allowed to stay until the end of the game (he wasn’t in trouble….I just didn’t think he should stay out so late) so I dropped him off, spoke briefly with the family hosting, and then I sat in my car at a nearby restaurant and just read for a while. I just really could not do a large crowd or watch the game alone this year so I selected a book instead. I picked Rosebro2 up after the halftime show and hurried home so I could do laundry and he could watch the 2^nd half.

Rosebro2 complained that the 1^st half of the game was boring. And then he was mad about the result of the game. He was not pulling for the Rams, but he didn’t want the Patriots to win. I started thinking about that concept of pulling against someone to win. He wasn’t pulling for a team to win, he was pulling for a team to lose. Being the daughter of a coach, having been married to a trainer for over 20 years, and having a brother and 2 sons who have played sports, I’ve attended and watched more athletic events than I can count.  I’ve always had someone to pull for. While I hope the opposing team losing and my team would win, I have not watched a game hoping for a team to lose without having passion for the victory of my team.

I started thinking about us here at school. Can you imagine if we pulled against our students? This is one reason why I hate the statements of “we will see them in mugshots one day” or “nothing but trouble” or “will never amount to anything.” You see when I hear those statements, I am sad. I worry about our purpose or our why when we are pulling against a student.  When we root for students to lose, we aren’t fighting for them to win.

Some of our students have every reason to fail- bad home environment, lack of educated parents, trauma, transiency, attendance issues, or learning disabilities, yet we pull for them. We cheer them on, we give them everything we have and they succeed. We have other students who suffer from ADHD, anxiety, social issues, or lack of confidence. Yet, we love them into believing in themselves. We do that because we are pulling for them-not against them.

I hope when you’re thinking about your students, you are rooting for them. It may sound silly, but that mindset could be a “Game-changer” for a student.

#blessed

As many people are aware, each school year and each calendar year I choose my “Word of the Year.” For the 2018-2019 school year, I carefully selected the word sustainability for my professional word and for my personal life, I chose JOY.

For school, I wanted this to be a year where our school came together-and not fall apart. I knew coming into the school year that we had 25 new employees, 3 new programs (GT and 2 self contained classes), multiple long term maternity leaves, and changes in our front office staff. With all of that change, it was important that I focus on the inclusion of the new staff and programs, help teach our new staff the systems and procedures of our school, continue to monitor our school culture, and include the new ideas, knowledge, and energy of new staff members. In choosing sustainability, I dreamed that our school would continue to flourish and grow and not slow down just because we had so many changes. It is somewhat hard to buy into what we’ve built here. Many school just focus on academics and test scores while some focus on discipline. We have together created a culture where we are inclusive of others, we value the opinions of others, we work hard, but we play hard as well. We strive for excellence in learning, in teaching, and everything in between but we also strive to emotionally and physically support our students so that they love coming through the doors of JBE each day. Thus, creating in themselves a lifelong desire to love school, love learning, and love each other despite our differences.

In my personal life, I needed to find my inner joy again. In a manner of just a few months, I had lost my precious mother unexpectedly to sepsis, a dear, dear friend to suicide, and my father through the hands of a drunk driver. I watched our school mourn the death of a faculty member’s child which brought back painful memories of my own baby’s life and death. Holding a staff member’s hand as she left this world and entered into another due to a terrible tragedy again brought the pain of my father’s death hauntingly to my every waking moment. Explaining that death to a 6-year-old who witnessed it was even harder. While I was making it every day with great friends and family to support me and a deep faith that has been my guide for so many years, my inner joy had dimmed and I found myself just not as happy as I usually was. And this wasn’t a place that I had ever found myself. In all my life trials, I had always found a way to come through it with my happy, happy self. 2018 had been hard and as we turned the calendar to 2019, I wanted this to be the year that I once again found my JOY.

And then January 14^th happened. I left my home as I usually do each morning, with a kiss and a “I love you” to my husband. Then as I walked into the school some 5 minutes later, my 14-year-old son called me and told me to come home. My husband had collapsed-a blood clot had moved from his leg to his heart-a terrible silent result of a surgery the week before. And he was gone. The pain I feel is immeasurable. My husband was the love of my life and I am lost without him. I am also so sad for my two sons. No teenager boy should witness your father die.  Usually one who has no problems letting words flow freely, I am at a loss to describe the pain I feel for me, for my boys, and for our dreams that will forever go unfulfilled.

And I think about my words-sustainability and joy. Despite everything that happened-terrible pain and hurt, our school kept running-smoothly. The doors opened on time, the students learned, the buses rolled out with them every afternoon. The students sang, they played, they read, they computated, they laughed, they learned. The faculty taught. The heavy buzz of learning continued. It happened because our school is sustainable. We are able to sustain due to the unending energy, commitment, love of our art and craft, and professionalism of this incredible staff. The staff of Jesse Boyd Elementary is unmatched in your strength, resilience, and commitment to the most difficult job of educating children.

And joy. Even through my unspeakable pain, there is joy. I’ve read every single card our students have made for me and my boys. I’ve read every email or card or text or phone message-sometimes more than once. I have received letter after letter describing the impact that my husband had on others. I watched as almost 700 people attended my husband’s receiving friends, over 500 attend his funeral, and more people that I can count came to my house to hug me, cry with me, or bring me food. I watched so proudly as my 16-year-old son stood in front of hundreds of people and spoke on the lessons from his father. I’ve watched a community embrace my family.  Even through this pain, there is joy.

So I stand here today, trying to put one foot in front of another-and I’ll be completely honest with you-that isn’t always easy- with thoughts on a new word for 2019. Because I’ve fulfilled the other two. Our school is sustainable and I have joy. Blessed is my new word for 2019-both professionally and personally. I am moving forward seeking blessings for our school, staff, and students and I am seeing blessings for my family. But I am also seeking ways to bless others. You see, as an educator-and I’ve been one of those longer than I’ve been a wife and mother- we seek to learn so we can teach others. And that is what I am focusing on- Blessings- those I get and those I give.
Thank you all. My words will never be enough to express the magnitude of my gratitude. 

HalfTime

Each year our family competes in the Rose family Bowl Challenge. Prior to the first bowl game of the 2018-2019 football season, each of us pick who we believe will win each of the bowl games. We keep score and the family member who successfully predicts the most winners becomes the Rose family Bowl Challenge winner. The prize is usually the same. The winner is given the freedom to plan an entire day of our annual family summer vacation and each of us most participate in the activities- and most do so willingly and joyfully, but this year there was money on the line (nothing like teaching your children to bet at an early age). Because our entire family loves football, this makes it fun because we tend to watch many ballgames and many teams that we normally don’t watch. It gives you a purpose to watch the games because you have someone to pull for in each game. 

I started off very strong in the Rose family Bowl challenge this year. I started bowl season 11-0. This was remarkable and the rest of my family stood amazed at my prediction skills. Then the after-Christmas bowl games started and things started to go downhill. I was determined to win because I wanted that money. I was needing a win and I was so excited while watching the Utah-Northwestern game. I had picked Utah to win while the rest of the Rose fam had picked Northwestern and Utah had cruised into halftime with a 20-3 lead.  My winning streak was going to return and I could not be happier about it. But on the opening drive of the second half, Northwestern’s quarterback threw the ball about 60 yards and a great catch was made. In the next play, Northwestern scored on a 4-yard run into the end zone.  The momentum had swung in the direction of Northwestern and they capitalized on what seemed like 20 turnovers. Northwestern turned it around at halftime and ended up winning the game 31-20. After the rest of the Rose family stopped rubbing in the fact that I had lost yet another bowl game, Rosebro 2 reminded me that half-time matters. Half-time adjustments. 

I started thinking about his statement about halftime. In my world of football, halftime is time to watch the band, get more snacks, use the bathroom, get more snacks, and well, get more snacks.  I often forget what may be happening in the locker room during halftime.  I started this discussion with Rosebro2 and my hubby who have been in more halftime locker rooms than anyone cares to count. Rosebro 2 mentioned three things are discussed during half time while the players get their much-deserved rest: Start, Stop, Continue. 

The more Rosebro 2 talked about what happens at halftime, the more I realized that our Winter Holiday is our half-time.  Our Half-time is a time to rest. In fact, I slept past 6am several times during the holidays. I was able to go out to eat with some friends that I haven’t seen in a few weeks. I had game night with my boys a couple of times. I saw a couple of movies at the theater. I read the paper…in the morning! I read a book for pleasure. I cooked. I spent a few days in a cabin in Pigeon Forge. It was an awesome time. And then I started thinking about my half-time adjustments.

What should I start doing? What are some things that are not being done that need to be done? What are some things that are worth trying or experimenting with for better results? What are some things that I wanted to do but haven’t been able to do because other things got in the way? What should we start doing?

What should I stop doing? What are some things that are not working or not helping? What are some things that impede us moving forward? Are there some things we are doing that are not getting the desired results that were intended when we started? Are we doing some things that the staff, the kids, our community doesn’t like? What do we need to stop doing?

What should I continue? What are some things that are working well? What are some things that are worth continuing? What are some things that are liked and needed? What are we doing that we need to continue to do?

I would say that half-time is the most important part of the game. The most important time for making adjustments is halftime. What halftime adjustments will you be making in your class, with your team, for you, for your students, and for our school?  What are you going to start, stop or continue?

Grown Up Christmas List

The other night, Rosebro2 and I were talking before his bedtime (who am I kidding, before my bedtime). He said that his entire life I’ve always asked what he wanted for Christmas, but he said that he could never remember a time when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. In case my husband is reading this blog…the answer to that question is a Roomba….but Rosebro 2 and I started talking about the “Christmas list”. I told him stories of some of the things he has asked for in the past…like the year he asked for a duck pond and a toothbrush or the year he asked Santa to bring him a donkey and a goat. And I reminded him that as we get older our lists become very different.

I am lucky in my life to not really want for anything. Sure, I’d love a nicer car and a more updated home and exotic trips around the world, but really and truly I want for nothing. Yes, I want a robotic vacuum cleaner but I really don’t need it. As I was talking to Rosebro2, I explained that the things I wanted for Christmas were things that we couldn’t buy at the store.  He and I talked at length about what those things were and although he’s never heard the song, he said, so that is what we would call a “Grown UP Christmas list”. And he is right. I do have a grown up Christmas list.

This is my first Christmas in 45 years that I will not be at home. I know that my husband and I have built a wonderful, caring, loving home for our family, but I still consider my parents' home to be home. In fact, I no longer have a Mom or a Dad or a “home” to go home to and it hurts. I have a son who is suffering from a terrible disease. I can’t fix him and the medications that can are hurting his body. And I am his Mom. We moms-we fix stuff.  I have a friend who is hurting and I can’t make the decisions for her that she is faced with and it hurts my heart. I look around this staff and I see broken hearts, broken dreams, and worry and fear. There are days when it is so bitterly sad what we adults are dealing with.

Then I have lunch with a group of students. These kids asked me “What do you want for Christmas?” I started to try to explain to them the whole “Grown up Christmas list” thing to them and they wanted none of it. In fact one of them said, “Seriously, Dr. Rose, you’re in a Grinch costume, eating a Happy Meal (a parent had brought it to me..I love Happy Meals), and you want to start being an adult now? How about be a kid for a minute.” She had never been more right. I sat with them and started talking about my list. We laughed and laughed when I told them I wanted a narwhal onesie. They didn’t blink when I told them I wanted a motorcycle, or an ant farm, or surfing lessons. I belly laughed the entire time. I watched as they searched for off the wall items to "wish" for as gifts. For twenty minutes these students reminded me that I already have my Grown Up Christmas list-I've just been too busy or preoccupied to realize it.

I am surrounded by the future every single day. These amazingly funny, bright, caring young people gave me my Grown Up Christmas list. No, they didn’t take away my sadness from missing my parents this holiday or cure my son or take away my friend’s pain, they gave me the gift of fun and of laughter and reminded me that we grown-ups are often focused on the wrong thing. Be a kid, she told me.

So as we head to this last week before the holidays, I share her advice. Be a kid. As adults we forget to let our hair down, to dance, to sing when the mood hits us, to play tag, be outside, to blow bubbles, to act silly, to play a game, and to eat ice cream for dinner.  I wish each of you a joyful and wonderful holiday, and I hope it is full of fun, laughter, excitement, and everything on your adult and your kid Christmas list.

Aponie

The greatest joy of being a school principal is that no two days are alike. The greatest challenge of being a school principal is..... that no two days are alike.  Each morning I look at my Friday forecast. While the staff has a Friday forecast with highlights of what they need to get done on the Friday forecast, mine is filled with all the stuff that I didn’t type for the entire staff. I have a fabulous color coordinated to do list each day, and a neatly organized desk each morning. I set about my day, each day, with goals for the day. Rarely does my day go as expected. Rarely is anything on my to-do list done and rarely is my desk neat and organized after 10am.  I learned quickly as an assistant principal and as a principal to expect the unexpected. Large challenges present themselves every day. I also learned quickly as an assistant principal and as a principal that I cannot let those large challenges serve as roadblocks to derail the most important work in this building- which is the teaching and learning.

The last month as principal has been rough. The tragic loss of a faculty member, being in the news in an unkind light, parent pressure to make changes to our traffic and carline, and a school break in….are just a few of the major things I’ve been juggling this month. I had a principal colleague call me to “check on me” the other day. I told him that I couldn’t talk to him at that moment because I had some students reading to me. When I called that principal back his reaction was interesting. He stated that he was surprised I had folks in my office and that I should just close me door and get some work done. I really had had a lot on me lately. Huh? What? Shut my door and get some work done?

Have I had a lot to juggle? Yes. Have I had a lot of reflecting to do on our work here? Yes? But, please understand I am not complaining. So much good has happened because of the “bad things” that happened this last month.

Due to Miss Emma’s death, I have seen how much this little school means to our community. I know we all saw and felt the love from folks who fed us, sent cards, and sent flowers. But you could spend an entire day reading all the emails I received from community members who wanted to send condolences and wanted to let this staff know they were praying for us. While I would rather be in the dark about how much we are loved by this community, and still have Miss Emma with us, knowing that we are loved has been amazingly uplifting. Having lost my own father by the reckless behavior of another person, I was able to be there for Miss Emma’s family unlike many others having just walked through their shoes some 8 months ago.  I wish I could share with you some of the text messages I’ve received after our not so nice news report. Let me just say, we have some folks who more than “got our back”…in fact in many cases, I had to talk them off the ledge. It is so nice that what my father always said is true “Live your life so that if anyone says something bad about you, no one will believe it.” I’ve laughed so much about the burglary because I try hard to be the kind of principal who would never ask a teacher to do something that I wouldn’t do myself…..and because I left my door open (in order for service solutions to clean prior to Thanksgiving) my office is where the theft occurred. Now how many times have I begged that your classroom door be locked and closed at the end of the day?!?!?!   I was thrilled that, even though we were robbed, our safety measures (albeit the lack of my very own) worked. Because you all had your doors closed and locked, things were not nearly as bad as they could have been. Additionally, a sweet older neighbor of ours from the condos next door, replaced the Relay for Life money that was stolen. My heart smiled when I received that money (and I quickly deposited it rather than keeping it in my desk drawer!!!). He didn't need to do that, but he loves this place enough to do that for us.

So, so MUCH good from bad.  I could most absolutely focus on the bad. It is tempting to get sucked down that rabbit hole. It is so easy, so very easy to do that, but why would I when we have it so, so good. In the last few weeks whenever I was really upset or wanting to run down the “poor pitiful me” road, I would go into a classroom. I saw teaching. I saw learning. I saw students collaborating. I saw students creating. I saw students reading, I saw students writing. I heard our students sing. I saw students solve problems. I saw students run. I saw them create in art. I high fived students in the hallway. I ate lunch with students. One day as I was walking in the hallway on the way to take a phone call, a student stopped me and said, “Dr. Rose, can you spell aponie?” While I was in a hurry, I just couldn’t let her go without helping. I didn’t really understand the word so I asked her again and she repeated the same word-aponie. I asked her to read the sentence she was writing and she said, “Once aponie time.”  I missed the phone call, but I was able to help a child.

And this is what we are here for. The rest of the stuff is just a part of the journey. Never lose sight that we are here to help a child.