Grown Up Christmas List

The other night, Rosebro2 and I were talking before his bedtime (who am I kidding, before my bedtime). He said that his entire life I’ve always asked what he wanted for Christmas, but he said that he could never remember a time when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. In case my husband is reading this blog…the answer to that question is a Roomba….but Rosebro 2 and I started talking about the “Christmas list”. I told him stories of some of the things he has asked for in the past…like the year he asked for a duck pond and a toothbrush or the year he asked Santa to bring him a donkey and a goat. And I reminded him that as we get older our lists become very different.

I am lucky in my life to not really want for anything. Sure, I’d love a nicer car and a more updated home and exotic trips around the world, but really and truly I want for nothing. Yes, I want a robotic vacuum cleaner but I really don’t need it. As I was talking to Rosebro2, I explained that the things I wanted for Christmas were things that we couldn’t buy at the store.  He and I talked at length about what those things were and although he’s never heard the song, he said, so that is what we would call a “Grown UP Christmas list”. And he is right. I do have a grown up Christmas list.

This is my first Christmas in 45 years that I will not be at home. I know that my husband and I have built a wonderful, caring, loving home for our family, but I still consider my parents' home to be home. In fact, I no longer have a Mom or a Dad or a “home” to go home to and it hurts. I have a son who is suffering from a terrible disease. I can’t fix him and the medications that can are hurting his body. And I am his Mom. We moms-we fix stuff.  I have a friend who is hurting and I can’t make the decisions for her that she is faced with and it hurts my heart. I look around this staff and I see broken hearts, broken dreams, and worry and fear. There are days when it is so bitterly sad what we adults are dealing with.

Then I have lunch with a group of students. These kids asked me “What do you want for Christmas?” I started to try to explain to them the whole “Grown up Christmas list” thing to them and they wanted none of it. In fact one of them said, “Seriously, Dr. Rose, you’re in a Grinch costume, eating a Happy Meal (a parent had brought it to me..I love Happy Meals), and you want to start being an adult now? How about be a kid for a minute.” She had never been more right. I sat with them and started talking about my list. We laughed and laughed when I told them I wanted a narwhal onesie. They didn’t blink when I told them I wanted a motorcycle, or an ant farm, or surfing lessons. I belly laughed the entire time. I watched as they searched for off the wall items to "wish" for as gifts. For twenty minutes these students reminded me that I already have my Grown Up Christmas list-I've just been too busy or preoccupied to realize it.

I am surrounded by the future every single day. These amazingly funny, bright, caring young people gave me my Grown Up Christmas list. No, they didn’t take away my sadness from missing my parents this holiday or cure my son or take away my friend’s pain, they gave me the gift of fun and of laughter and reminded me that we grown-ups are often focused on the wrong thing. Be a kid, she told me.

So as we head to this last week before the holidays, I share her advice. Be a kid. As adults we forget to let our hair down, to dance, to sing when the mood hits us, to play tag, be outside, to blow bubbles, to act silly, to play a game, and to eat ice cream for dinner.  I wish each of you a joyful and wonderful holiday, and I hope it is full of fun, laughter, excitement, and everything on your adult and your kid Christmas list.

Aponie

The greatest joy of being a school principal is that no two days are alike. The greatest challenge of being a school principal is..... that no two days are alike.  Each morning I look at my Friday forecast. While the staff has a Friday forecast with highlights of what they need to get done on the Friday forecast, mine is filled with all the stuff that I didn’t type for the entire staff. I have a fabulous color coordinated to do list each day, and a neatly organized desk each morning. I set about my day, each day, with goals for the day. Rarely does my day go as expected. Rarely is anything on my to-do list done and rarely is my desk neat and organized after 10am.  I learned quickly as an assistant principal and as a principal to expect the unexpected. Large challenges present themselves every day. I also learned quickly as an assistant principal and as a principal that I cannot let those large challenges serve as roadblocks to derail the most important work in this building- which is the teaching and learning.

The last month as principal has been rough. The tragic loss of a faculty member, being in the news in an unkind light, parent pressure to make changes to our traffic and carline, and a school break in….are just a few of the major things I’ve been juggling this month. I had a principal colleague call me to “check on me” the other day. I told him that I couldn’t talk to him at that moment because I had some students reading to me. When I called that principal back his reaction was interesting. He stated that he was surprised I had folks in my office and that I should just close me door and get some work done. I really had had a lot on me lately. Huh? What? Shut my door and get some work done?

Have I had a lot to juggle? Yes. Have I had a lot of reflecting to do on our work here? Yes? But, please understand I am not complaining. So much good has happened because of the “bad things” that happened this last month.

Due to Miss Emma’s death, I have seen how much this little school means to our community. I know we all saw and felt the love from folks who fed us, sent cards, and sent flowers. But you could spend an entire day reading all the emails I received from community members who wanted to send condolences and wanted to let this staff know they were praying for us. While I would rather be in the dark about how much we are loved by this community, and still have Miss Emma with us, knowing that we are loved has been amazingly uplifting. Having lost my own father by the reckless behavior of another person, I was able to be there for Miss Emma’s family unlike many others having just walked through their shoes some 8 months ago.  I wish I could share with you some of the text messages I’ve received after our not so nice news report. Let me just say, we have some folks who more than “got our back”…in fact in many cases, I had to talk them off the ledge. It is so nice that what my father always said is true “Live your life so that if anyone says something bad about you, no one will believe it.” I’ve laughed so much about the burglary because I try hard to be the kind of principal who would never ask a teacher to do something that I wouldn’t do myself…..and because I left my door open (in order for service solutions to clean prior to Thanksgiving) my office is where the theft occurred. Now how many times have I begged that your classroom door be locked and closed at the end of the day?!?!?!   I was thrilled that, even though we were robbed, our safety measures (albeit the lack of my very own) worked. Because you all had your doors closed and locked, things were not nearly as bad as they could have been. Additionally, a sweet older neighbor of ours from the condos next door, replaced the Relay for Life money that was stolen. My heart smiled when I received that money (and I quickly deposited it rather than keeping it in my desk drawer!!!). He didn't need to do that, but he loves this place enough to do that for us.

So, so MUCH good from bad.  I could most absolutely focus on the bad. It is tempting to get sucked down that rabbit hole. It is so easy, so very easy to do that, but why would I when we have it so, so good. In the last few weeks whenever I was really upset or wanting to run down the “poor pitiful me” road, I would go into a classroom. I saw teaching. I saw learning. I saw students collaborating. I saw students creating. I saw students reading, I saw students writing. I heard our students sing. I saw students solve problems. I saw students run. I saw them create in art. I high fived students in the hallway. I ate lunch with students. One day as I was walking in the hallway on the way to take a phone call, a student stopped me and said, “Dr. Rose, can you spell aponie?” While I was in a hurry, I just couldn’t let her go without helping. I didn’t really understand the word so I asked her again and she repeated the same word-aponie. I asked her to read the sentence she was writing and she said, “Once aponie time.”  I missed the phone call, but I was able to help a child.

And this is what we are here for. The rest of the stuff is just a part of the journey. Never lose sight that we are here to help a child.