Inspire and Equip

Rosebro #1 is in high school this year. While as a parent that comes with so many emotions, as a student it comes with higher stakes for course work, harder classes, and a nagging mother that reminds him every moment that grades equate to money and that every grade matters.  It also means that he is taking math that far surpasses my math capability.  Math has always been a struggle to me. I don’t understand numbers. I fear them. When I was named the National Assistant Principal of the Year, it came with a full scholarship for my doctorate degree.  It was an amazing feeling to know that a dream that I’d had would be coming true-until they told me I had to take the GRE.  One very hot June day, I went to Greenville Tech and took the online GRE. The Verbal part took almost 2 hours. While it was hard, I felt pretty confident. I took a 20-minute break and then the nonverbal section was to begin. Towards the end of the nonverbal section, I literally started guessing. I didn’t even know where to start to answer the questions. A few weeks later, my scores came in and my verbal score was ridiculously high while my nonverbal score was ridiculously low. I was humiliated that my “full ride” scholarship was at risk because my nonverbal scores didn’t match the University’s standards of admission.  During my dissertation process, I had to rely on some far smarter than me to help with the statistics on my study. So just imagine my surprise when this weekend, Rosebro#1 asked for help with his math homework.  As I was helping him, my mind wondered back to Mrs. Mcnair my high school math teacher. I started telling him stories about Mrs. McNair and how funny she was and how she always laughed at me and my “second chance” tests. I started describing how she would bring in “stuff” like baseball trading cards to help describe ratios, she would use catalogs to teach percentages, and various other real life material. She started each class with a corny joke or math limerick. She was so kind and helpful. She always had us back at lunch time or before school for extra help. It got me thinking. I don’t remember much of what she taught me academically. Clearly she taught me some things and made me grow. She gave me confidence in my math schools. She made me love coming into her class. She made me love school. And while her math lessons probably have had an effect on me, her relationship with me has had a far greater effect. Because students will remember how you treated them for far longer than what you taught them.  I had a great mentor remind this weekend about our district’s mission of inspiring and equipping students. While I want to equip them with a high quality education, it is much more important to me that we inspire them. And that begins with the way we treat them. I would much rather a child leave here knowing how to treat others than knowing how to do math correctly…..clearly math aptitude isn’t the one thing to determine success. By the way, Rose Bro#1 now has a math tutor. He clearly didn't enjoy my math story time. #ugg #teenagers

Relationships matter

Rosebro#1 was recently invited to a birthday party for a kid who really is a friend of a friend. He has only hung out with him when their mutual friend is around. No big deal, he is like his mother-a party is a party-you go-no matter who, what, when, where or why!  The day before this big bash, I asked Rosebro#1 about a gift.  At this age, the go-to gift is usually a gift card. Does he have an iphone-would he want an itunes card? Does he play video games-would he want a gamestop gift card? Does he like the movies-a regal card? Does he do YoungLyfe– a TacoDog gift card. The answer to all of these questions was “I don’t know?”  I don’t know is usually an answer I will not accept. In my opinion, “I don’t know” is just the lazy man’s way of not thinking. But in this case, Rosebro#1 really honestly didn’t know what to purchase as a gift for this kid because he simply doesn’t know him other than his name, his school, and some of his friends.  Out of frustration with his “nagging” mother, Rosebro#1 (in as a respectful manner as any teenager could) asked “What do you want me to do?” My internal self wanted to scream, “have a conversation with your so called “friend”, call your mutual friend and figure this out, think back to your conversations with this kid for any hint of a clue as to what to buy him, but instead I went with “I’ll figure something out.”  So we went with the amazing gift of ca$h. Great gift anyone could use, but a thoughtless one at best. Could he use cash? Probably, but by the looks of his home and the fact that his mother hired a party planner for his 15th birthday, probably not necessary. This got me thinking about our work here in our school.  We focus many times on that question, “What do you want me to do?” rather than “Who are you?”  The more we get to know our students and their families, their situations, the more we know what they need and how to give it to them. Knowing your students on the surface is just not good enough. Anyone can know my name, but knowing something about me, engages me. The book Kids Deserve It was my favorite summer read. I recommended it to another principal who loved it so much she made it her school’s theme this year. One of the main messages from the book is Strong relationships must be at the forefront of what you do each day at your school.  Does each child in your room hear something positive each day? Do you celebrate small moments? Do your kids get high fives, fist bumps, and hugs? Are your students talked to like they’re real people? Do you REALLY believe each child in your room can achieve greatness? Do you eat lunch with your kids? Do you play with them at recess? Do you smile? (I will tell you the idea of Don’t smile until Christmas has and always will be, in my mind, the mark of a miserable teacher) Are you present? We are in a servant occupation. This includes lots of thankless work. We serve the students, but the interesting thing is if you spend time building relationships with students and building the community within your classroom so that students have healthy relationships with you and each other, your work is lessened so very much. After all, the greatest GIFT you can give a child is your patience, love, understanding, and sincerity. You give them that and they’ll give you so much more.

Words are Important

Last weekend the coaching staff of Rosebro #2's feeder high school hosted a Football Breakfast with Moms.  This was for all Moms who have sons (and I suppose daughters) who play football in the high school's football program.  Because of my husband and the fact that my boys have been around football since birth, I really didn’t think I was going to attend-I actually needed to spend the Saturday before students arrived at school getting ready.  However, on Friday night, guilt set in and I made the decision to go to the event with Rosebro#2.  We started with learning about the real brutality of football and then the steps the staff uses to ensure the safety of our football players.  Remind yourself that I live with the trainer, Rose bro #2 has been playing football since he was in 1^st grade, and my Dad coached football. I truly was about to crawl out of skin when the real fun began. The Moms were then taken through football drills. They began simple enough with stretching exercises and agility practice.  Then we were asked to do tackling drills, dummy jumps, running hills, and even more fun.  I immediately went into internal panic mode.  My next thought was to my 6 year old self. When I was six years old, I loved taking dance lessons.  I practice, I twirled, I danced non-stop. My mom worked extra to pay for dance lessons. I’ll never forget inviting my 1^st grade teacher to my dance recital.  I’m sure she said something about coming (many of us do this) and quickly got back on task, but I’ll never forget at recess that day, I was playing tag with the boys and hiding on a side of the building when I heard Mrs. Sprott telling the other teacher, “I was invited to by Meredith,  like she’s ever going to be a ballerina, not with her size.” To this day, I can still feel the air leaving my body and my eyes filling up with tears. Now some 38 years later, I am still nervous in athletic situations because of Mrs. Sprott.  I don’t tell you all of this to make you sad for my chubby 6-year-old self.  In fact, as much as I loved dance, I loved football more. I did eventually become a cheerleader for a number of years and still dance given the opportunity. I tell you this to remind you of the power of your words.  You see, I believed Mrs. Sprout. I believed her because she was my teacher. Her words held power. So much so, her words became my inner voice for many years. And if I am honest, still today as I get sweaty palmed when asked to do anything physical in front of others. Instead of lifting me up, she made me doubt myself. She made me realize that I was not good enough. She made me feel like a failure.  Now, was I made to be a dancer. Not no, but heck no. I would have realized that out naturally through time, but I was developing confidence, teamwork, and was getting a lot of physical activity (much needed by my 6 year old chubby self –not to mention my 44 year old self) . But with her words, she took that away from not only that 6 year old, but from me for many years. As our students enter the building today, for the 2016-2017 school year, I beg of you to remember the power of your words….the power to build, the power to equip, the power to inspire our students. It matters not just for today, but for every day afterwards. Had it not been for Mrs. Sprout, I can only imagine it would have been me instead of Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video (I bet you’ll be signing Dancing in the Dark the rest of the day).