If not you, who?

This was not my intended Monday Musing for today……………..

I have satellite radio. It is one of the very few non essentials that I can’t do without. I love music-love all types, but more than anything I love talk radio. I also love being in a car for hours and not losing a station or having static on the station. On Saturday I was alone in my car for 8 hours.  Part of the time I listened to a football game (again on satellite radio…which is worth it alone to be able to be anywhere and listen to your team on the radio). During half time I switched over to a talk station and heard the terrible news of Pittsburgh Synagogue Massacre.  At first I thought they were discussing the bomb scares of last week, but I quickly understood that I was wrong.  I listened with such horror as again the sanctity of worship had been destroyed by hate fueled gunfire.  I wept as I listened to the mayor speak about this neighborhood, Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood actually.  I couldn’t understand the hate that led to such anger and violence.

Sunday, I attended the funeral of a 32 year old man who shot himself. The service was powerful but difficult. The music was beautiful. The pastor was inspiring, yet I left with such a heavy heart. I wept for his mother. I wept for his children. I wept for the mother of his children. As his sister spoke about him, I wanted to run to the front of the sanctuary and hold her. I couldn’t understand the pain that led him to do what he did, but I sure wish he had called me prior to him pulling the trigger.

Today, after dismissal, I had a voice mail from a friend of mine. She teaches at an elementary school in Matthews, NC, and her son is a student at Butler High School. A student shot and killed another student this morning in the hallway of Butler High School. My friend was upset. She was upset because her son knew the shooter. She was upset because this isn’t supposed to happen at school. She was also upset because her school was on lock down and he had no communication with her son for a couple of hours. She was upset because school resumed a few hours later. While I sympathized and listened, I could not understand her fear, her pain. I couldn’t understand a world where we would continue school hours after a student was killed.

I sat at my desk staring at what was my real Monday Musing for today and clicked the delete button. I had this overwhelming need to say a few things. And while this may not be educational, school leadership, or remotely related to the betterment of our school, I need to ask, “How are you?”

I have a friend who could be standing in a burning building holding a gas can and she would say, “It’s all good.”  When I know better, that is always her answer. Every single morning I greet 500 kids and a multitude of staff members as they enter the building. How many times do I ask each of those people, “How are you this morning?” Overwhelmingly the answer is “Good.”  I don’t believe all of them. I don’t believe the child who gets out of their car and their parent could not get off their phone long enough to whisper “I love you” or “Have a great day”. I don’t believe them that they are good. I don’t believe the child who I called DSS about on Thursday when the Mom’s not so nice boyfriend dropped her off in car line this morning. I don’t believe the teacher who I know is going through a dissolve of marriage. I don’t believe the teacher who hasn’t slept in days because their child has been sick. I don’t believe the teacher assistant who is worried about money because we pay them so very little.  You see, it isn’t the words “It’s good” that I pay attention to. I pay attention to the energy, the facial expression, the body language, the light, or lack there of, in the eyes, the sincerity of a smile, and the posture. I look to see if in fact it really is “all good.”

Then I worry. I worry if my awareness of all those things is enough. I worry if we’ve gotten so used to a fast paced Facebook, Twitter, Insta, Snap Chat kind of life that we all pretend that “it’s all good.”  

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with it NOT being “all good.” It is okay to not be ok, but it is not ok to stay there. It may be a difficult class; it may be issues in your marriage, aging parents, troubles with your children, difficulties with anxiety, depression, money worries, guilt, or health issues. Everyone struggles.  Having struggles doesn’t make you weak-it makes you human.

I needed anyone who reads this blog to know that it is okay to not be okay. But it is not okay to say something. My door is always open. My phone, while usually unanswered, will always call you back. My house is always stacked with coffee and comfortable chairs if you need to sit and chat. My prayer journal always has room for more names. My heart is big enough to help take on your pain.

When I see the struggles of those around me in just the last 48 hours, I wonder if those who caused so much pain to others were in pain themselves. We, as educators, sometimes take on the world. But, who, just who, is taking care of you?

My sister was sick last week. I only found out because I needed to drop something off at her house and had a free afternoon to run to her house. I was so mad when I caught her on the couch at what looked like her deathbed. When I asked her why she hadn’t called-I could have at least brought soup or clearly more Lysol- she stated, “You’re so busy. I didn’t want to bother you.” This crushed my soul. Do I give that vibe off? Am I so busy that I don’t know someone needs me?  I looked at her and she repeated something my father always said to us, “If not you, who?”  Please know no matter your struggle, no matter your pain, no matter your fear or hurt or anger, I’m never too busy. I truly believe “If not me, who?”

Again this wasn’t my intended Monday Musing today. And I apologize for using this platform in this way, but possibly, just possibly someone needed to hear it.

Not YET..........

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. October is hard. I’ve tried to dissect why that is and I think that it is because some of the newness of school has worn off and the “honeymoon” phase for behavior is over. I also believe that students start to feel very safe and comfortable in their classroom culture and personalities start to change a little which makes it hard. Additionally, you’ve collected all the beginning of the year data and real teaching and learning starts to take place. And it is hard. In my world hard = tired.

So hard in fact that I have not gotten up at 4:15am in many a day for the gym. I feel bad about this for a multitude of reasons. The first is I always feel like a fat slob when I don’t go to the gym. The second is the quiet time the gym provides me in the mornings does a really good job of helping me get into a great focus for the day. And finally, exercising is so very calming for me. Many folks can go to the gym after work, but not me. If I don’t go at 4:15am, I don’t go. My life is just too busy for afterschool gym time. I decided I was tired of feeling bad for not going to the gym. Last week I dropped my gym membership. I decided to try something different. I purchased an online “on demand” gym membership. I’ve had it for a week and so far, I love it. I can sleep until 5am now and I get up and do my 45 to 1 hour class and I’ve been doing yoga at night. I am loving it.

The cardio classes are nothing but high energy dance classes with great music and great instructors. And I love this! There are also over 700 different classes from kick boxing to Pilates. The yoga class that I have been doing is a 21-day challenge. The video has 3 instructors. One is the main instructor who gives the directions and the explanations and on each side of him is another participant. The one on his right is a little advanced and the one on his left, David, is modified. I like the one on the left. I like David. Just last night we were doing balance yoga. OMGosh…..I clearly have no balance. I was able to follow the modified version and still get a good workout, strengthen my balance, and not end up with a concussion from toppling over the coffee table. David, like me, didn’t straighten his legs or pull his arms all the way down. He, like me, did things just a little easier than the guy on the right.

I was thinking about my left side guy, David,  this morning as I stepped into a classroom for an observation. If my yoga instructor has figured out that many in the class are not quite there yet and needs modification, then should we not figure that out also? As I watched this teacher brilliantly have a minilesson and then set the students lose to work on the skill independently, I waited. The teacher was working on a TDA like skill. Once she provided the minilesson -explaining the skill that needed to happen, read a passage to them, read the question, and modeled how to complete the question, she sent the students to their desk. On their desk each student found a different passage. The task was the same, the task was just different for each student.

No one knew what was different-they were too focused on getting the task completed. The teacher had modeled the highest degree of difficulty for the grade level. She had set her expectations. But she knew that not everyone was ready for the highest degree of difficulty-at least they are not ready---YET!

You see I will not be following David for the entire 21 days of this yoga challenge. At some point I will start challenging myself to be more like the instructor and the advanced instructor. It will be gradual and some days I will go back to David when I need more support or I am struggling. But I am not there YET. If I had followed the instructor or the advanced instructor this weekend, I would have quit. I would have decided that this wasn’t for me.

When we do the same to our students-when we chose a one size fits all instruction for all students, we ensure that not all students will meet mastery. We must modify our instruction for students. Sometimes it is because students are above grade level and sometimes it is because they are not there-YET. However, failing to differentiate our instruction, fails our students.

If any of you need me, I can be found in my living room in child’s pose.

Hopefully she'll give me at least one more year.........

I love my Honda Pilot.  Even though I purchased this car 10 years ago very regretfully, I now love my car. I had a GMC Yukon with every bell and whistle that could be put on a car; however, gas prices were almost $4.00 a gallon at the time and the Yukon was a gas guzzler. Even though I was only going to/from school, running little errands, and church twice a week, I was purchasing $80 in gas a week. It just wasn’t a good financial decision to keep it. I found the Honda Pilot which had a hybrid engine saving us even more money on gas. I turned in the Yukon and purchased the Pilot. The Pilot has been a great car.

It is now 11 years old and has almost 200,000 miles on her. I’ve run her all over the country. She has been a safe car. I never worried on my solo monthly trips to DC. In the first year and a half of my doctoral studies, I had to go to DC once a month for my cohort class. It was just too costly to fly once a month, so she and I would make that solo trip every month. I never had to worry. We’ve had countless family trips and adventures that all started and ended in my Pilot. I taught Rosebro1 how to drive using this car. The week before my Dad was killed by a drunk driver, he had a minor procedure and I had to transport him home in my Pilot. Sometimes I see him sitting in the passenger seat having a great conversation not knowing it was our last.  Yet, my Pilot is starting to show her age. Just recently, I thought she exploded on I-85.  Luckily, it was only a $300 fix, but I can tell it will not be too long..... It will not be too long before I will probably have to be trading her in and purchasing a new car.

Because, obviously, I keep a car until the wheels literally fall off (I mean I am a government employee), purchasing the right car is important. I also have a hard time deciding on the right car. I need an SUV, but I don’t need a BIG SUV. I need captain chairs in the second row (both Rosebros are taller than me now) and this is almost impossible to find, I have to have a sun roof (well, maybe not have to….but I really want one), because I listen to podcast and books on long trips and I pretend I am a grammy award winning singer around town-the sound system is important, and I have a list of nerdy safety things that are important to me in a car. So I’ve been looking into new cars. I’ve looked and looked and narrowed it down to 4 different kinds. Some are too popular…..seriously one particular car that I liked has been purchased by every other person. I recently counted 40 of them in our church parking lot one morning (I was driving the welcome golf cart in the parking lot…not stalking cars). Another one that I liked is just too expensive. I have two children soon to be in college and spending $65,000 on a car is just not in the Rose family budget. The third one is okay, but there is just something about it I don’t love-not sure what that is, but I just don’t love it. The fourth one has limited leg room in the front passenger seat and due to my extreme motion sickness, I must drive everywhere and I know my hubby would not be comfortable in that car. This weekend, I went by a dealership and saw something that surprised me.  The new, refined Honda Pilot is really, really great.   I had not even considered a Honda Pilot. I mean I’ve had one for 10 years would I not want something new?  The thing is, the new Pilot is everything I love about my car and some great upgrades.

The new Pilot has not one but TWO moonroofs (or is it moonrooves???). It has captain seats in the second row. The third row is bigger and the luggage area is larger. Things that have been added: remote start, a larger console, a better blue tooth system (it reads text messages to you), and some nerdy safety features. I am sold. The new Honda Pilot will be my next car….as soon as my old Honda Pilot finally bites the dust.

Now I am sure none of you are reading this as a commercial for the new Honda Pilot (nor was that my intent when I started writing), but I started thinking about us when I pulled off the car dealership lot.  Honda has a great car in the Pilot. They’ve sold millions of them and they last FOREVER so why change? The shape is different, the style is different, the features are different, but some of the greatest parts of the Pilot are still there. They’ve managed to take the best parts of what they’ve done so very well and changed some other parts. As an organization Honda has decided that they must not be stagnant. They are continually growing and getting better- seriously y’all should see this new Honda Pilot.

As a school, we need to be like Honda. We need to hold on to what we do that is right-that is good-that will get us 200,000+ miles. But we also need to incorporate innovation. We also need to eliminate things that are outdated or can be done better. We are not just teachers. In order to be a teacher, you must be a learner. You must continue to grow. You must continue to monitor what works. You must look at data and figure out what isn’t working. You must change to make things better.

So how does one continue to grow? Do not be a lone wolf. Learn with and from others. Be confident in what you do really well and don’t be ashamed to open up to others about what you struggle with. Read. Read a lot. Your reading doesn’t have to be professional literature. I read books on a variety of topics….education, leadership, fiction novels, devotionals, biographies, blogs, twitter talks, etc. I do this because I love to read but also to help make connections with our students, our parents, and in an effort to never stop growing as a learner. And finally be a risk taker. Don’t be afraid to try something new or different in your classroom-even if it fails. As I so often say when you FAIL it is the First Attempt In Learning. I’d rather you fail than to have never tried.

Continue to grow. Be a Honda...and if anyone knows a Honda salesman....I need their number.....

HELP!!!!!!!!!

Anyone who knows me knows that the Rose family is in love with Walt Disney World.  Seriously, as a family, we’ve been to WDW almost 30 times, we are annual pass holders, and are a part the Disney Vacation Club.  I know it may sound silly or ridiculous, but I always counter that with the fact that most people who make fun of me for going to WDW every year go on a beach trip every year. Many people have their “go to vacations” and for us it is Disney World. I really am unsure why folks feel the need to make fun of my family’s choice in vacation, but nevertheless we are a Disney vacation family. 

Through the last ten years, I’ve helped many people plan their own Disney vacation. When you know the four parks like you know your own home, it is easy to give advice or assist others when planning their own trip. I know the best restaurants. I’ve stayed in almost all of the WDW hotels and can tell the pros and cons of almost them all. I’ve had amazing experiences and I’ve had some that I would hope not to have again. I know some lesser known tips that I’ve learned through my own planning and research through the years.  I also follow several blogs, chats, and websites that give information on the latest WDW news. I have a lot of experience. 

Yet, this year, the Rose family is branching out (pause for the shock value). It is our desire this summer to make a trip “out west”.  Our family wants to go to Yellow Stone and the Grand Canyon.  We started talking about this trip in July. I started reading online and went to the public library and got a couple of books. I immediately was overwhelmed. I spoke to a friend who made the trip last year, but her trip was so different than mine because they hiked and camped out (and the Rose family works too hard to go on vacation and pretend we are homeless).  I spoke to a staff member who went last year and she gave advice and let me borrow two books. However, I am overwhelmed. I have no idea where to start. Where do we stay? When is the best time to go? What companies should I use for white water rafting, mule trail riding, animal exploration, and hikes? What other activities are ones that certainly should not be missed? Virtually, I am so consumed by information that I am almost paralyzed by that information and don’t know where to start with this planning.  The circumstances surrounded with planning this trip and ensuring that we spend the least amount of money, see everything we need to see, experience all the things that will make this trip a family favorite memory for years to come is daunting. So overwhelming is the planning that I have done nothing-other than going to what is normal-looking at a Disney vacation.  Yet that is overwhelming because I’m told that if I don’t make decisions soon, it will be too late.

Last week, I reached out to a travel agency. As soon as I started talking to the agent, I felt like the weight of this trip was slowing lifting off my shoulders. I randomly picked a travel agency by her website. Her website was pretty and I liked the song that was playing as soon as you opened the page.  As I told her about my family and about the location of our desired trip she started telling me that she had lived in Wyoming until she was 30 and she worked on tours for years. She knew exactly how to help us. I wanted to reach through the phone and hug her. But then the fear of dollar signs started making me worry. The Rose family lives and dies by the budget. Well, to be completely honest…...Coach Rose lives and dies by the budget and in an effort not to divorce…I try to live and die by the budget.  That’s when she blew me away.  She said she doesn’t charge us money. She receives her money through where and what we book. Now, I am no fool. I understand one way or the other, I’m paying for her services. But she is working for me on my behalf with the same goal that I have-to make this a memorable family vacation that we will hold in our heads and hearts for years to come. Then I worried about her not knowing the dynamics of our family and how we vacation. Does she understand that I have one child scared of his own shadow and one who would sky dive off a cliff? Does she understand that I have one child who requires a special diet? I thought of all the reasons why I should not be using her. We talked some more.

When I got off the phone with her, I went from panic to peace. And I immediately thought of us here in our schools. I’ve been an educator for 23 years. If you add the couple of years of student teaching and college practicum hours, it is a quarter of a century that I’ve been a part of the public-school system. It has changed in ways that I can’t even begin to describe-and many of those changes have been nothing but positive-painful at times, yes, but positive changes.  

One of the most positive changes of all is support. Just like my angelic travel agency, we now have a magnitude of support in our schools within the brick and mortar and outside of it that enables us to go from panic to peace and ensure we are giving our students nothing but the best every single day. No longer do we teach in silos. We are surrounded by a team where we are expected to collaborate. The expectation should be that that team is a “safe place” where you can place your fears, your failures, your misunderstandings, and your successes.  We have specialist within our school who can help. Then we have Facebook and Twitter groups. I have said it before and I will say it again-Twitter has been the best form of professional development that I’ve ever had. I’ve been to many conferences, PDs, and talks and nothing beats Twitter PD. But the thing is, we must first admit that 1. I don’t know and need help and 2. Be willing to grow.........and we must 3. trust.

I had to do this with my trip planning. I had to be honest with myself that I was unable to do this alone. I couldn't possible figure out how to plan this trip by myself. I also needed to understand that I may need to do things differently than my family is use to...my color coded laminated plans are just not going to work for this trip. And I have to trust that this travel agent listens to me, uses her expertise, and will not steer me wrong. 

You are not alone. No one expects you to figure out the massiveness of this job alone. No one expects you to know it all. No one expects you to ever feel that way. But our standard is excellence. And what is expected is that you seek the support that is needed so that you can be everything that is needed for your students every day.

I am going to admit. I have been planning our WDW vacations for years. I love nothing better than presenting our color-coded spread sheet with our daily plans to our family. The fact that I couldn’t plan a trip out west was a personal failure for me. I wanted to do this for my family.  But I could not do it alone. I had to reach out to someone who either by experience or time could do it along side of me and I have to trust that she is helping me. In the next few weeks she will give me itineraries with costs and I will counter and scratch out items and rearrange events and TOGETHER we will come up with an amazing trip for the Rose family. And nothing sounds better to me than doing this together. I don’t ever think we are expected to do life alone.

And we certainly should educate our students alone either.