Friendships

I recently heard a story about a nine-year-old boy who was diagnosed with cancer. He was given a pretty good prognosis although it would require radiation and chemotherapy. He was so upset about the treatment and the fact that he would be losing his hair. He was nervous about going back to school completely bald. On the Saturday before he was to return to school all the boys in his class came over and held a head shaving party. All the boys in his class shaved their heads so that this one young man would not feel bad about himself returning to school. One of the boys that shaved his head was Brian. Brian, up until that point of his 9-year life, had always worn his hair really long. The reason he did this was because he had unusually large ears that protruded from his head. Wearing his hair long hide his large ears and gave him confidence knowing that the chances of ridicule were lessened. Yet, on the day of the head shaving party, Brian didn’t think twice about shaving his hair all off. He was willing to feel more self-conscience about the way he looked in order to help his friend feel less self-conscience about the way he looked and more included. What a wonderful friend?

The story, while making me cry, made me think about friendships within our classroom. This past weekend I was so excited about the prom at our high school. I loved taking pictures for friends and I adored watching the girls in their beautiful dresses and the young men looking so adorably handsome and so grown up in their tuxes. Yet, what I enjoyed more than anything was watching the friendships between the students. One of the mantras of my church is “you can’t do life alone.” Our church is headstrong in helping everyone find a place in the church so that everyone feels included, but that they also grow together.

Friendships are important. Being lonely is hard. Not just for students but for adults. We talk nonstop about collaboration and communication on your teams, but do we talk enough about fostering that collaboration and communication within your classrooms. I know that some students are harder to like than others. Some students don’t do themselves any favors in making friends. Some students are incredibly shy. Some students are socially awkward. Some students could be best friends with anyone including you. Some students bring schema that include fear, prejudices, exclusion, and/or rejection. This makes your job even harder. But most things worth doing are hard (i.e. exercise…. still trying to convince myself).

I could provide you with hundreds of articles describing how to develop friendships with peers, but the best way to build friendships within your classroom is by modeling. Modeling is the number one friend of a teacher. We should model everything from TDA to math computation, but we also model friendship skills. We model by how we talk to our students, the words we use with our students, how we respond when they’re upset, our treatment when they’re not making good decisions, or the ways we celebrate with them on minor and major accomplishments. DuBois once said, “children learn more from who you are than what you teach.” As my teenagers would say #truth.  Think about your work on a team. You can get so much accomplished when everyone works together-your classroom is no different. The friendships matter for the content you teach, but it matters for the humans you teach as well.

4th quarter

Spring Break. Ahhhhhh, spring break. It feels somewhat like Christmas. It is a well-deserved break and rest before the last 7 weeks of school. I often think that we are the busiest school in America, because I all the time try to find a “not busy time” and cannot find such a time in our calendar. I also think that the beginning of school and the end of school are the hardest. Labor Day is the reward for making it the first few weeks of school, spring break is preparation for the hardest weeks, and summer is the reward.  I had many plans for spring break this year. I had wallpaper to take down, rooms to paint, and 3 doctor appointments. I was derailed by the flu and strep throat. I was happy that it happened during spring break so that I had time to rest without the worry of missing any school time and also because I love sports. It was great watching the basketball finals and the Masters while recovering from my unexpected illnesses.

I was excited for the USC men and women’s basketball teams. Anyone who knows me, knows that my blood runs orange-and always will-but this doesn’t mean that I wish ill-will towards another team. I always try to help our students understand that as well. There is nothing wrong with loving your team-you should (even in the bad years)- but there is a lot wrong with being ugly to another person’s team just because they are your team’s biggest rival. One of the reasons I like championship games is the pregame stories. I love hearing the backgrounds of players and coaches. In fact, I believe that coaching is much like teaching, and I study coaches and their approaches with their teams. I think we can learn a lot about our teaching and leadership through watching and learning from good coaches. In most of the final 4 games-both men and women- the games were very intense and very close. I was intrigued by what is a ritual these days of holding up 4 fingers as the fourth quarter begins....(although I think there are only 2 halves in the men’s games…remember I did have a fever). Again, the intensity of these games and the importance of winning was shown on the faces of the players, the gestures of the coaches, and the craziness of the fans. That 4^th quarter acknowledgement is important. The players, the coaches, and the fans hold up those 4 fingers in an almost contract like manner as if stating that they are pledging their honor to give it their all in the last quarter of the game. It is not the time when they start trying hard-they’ve done that the last 3 quarters, but it is a symbolism of leaving it all of the court (or the field-for whichever sport). The players know the W or the L will more than likely be determined by how you finish.  It is exciting to watch. Because I am older and maybe because I have children who play sports, the saddest thing in the world to me is when a game is over and the camera pans to the losing team. I hate watching the players upset. I hate seeing coaches distressed because they must go and shake hands and congratulate the other team all the while wondering what they are going to say to their devastated players when they get into the locker room. But I can’t shake the feeling of the solidarity of the hand raising at the last quarter of the game.

Church ran over yesterday. I cannot tell you how many folks I saw looking at their watches. Yet, last night, my husband and I had our couple’s bible study and while the women were eating in one room doing what we women do-talking, the men were all eating huddled around the TV watching the finale of the Master’s. Cheers came from the room as the tournament went into extra holes as it ended 18 holes in a tie. I got to thinking about school. I got to wondering about our last “quarter” of school. These last 7 weeks are difficult. These last 7 weeks is why we have summer vacation. There is so much to do. There is so much intensity between end of year testing, programs, continually teaching and moving your students forward until the very last day, class placement cards for next year, and end of the year business. But would it not be so much better and so much easier if we acted like those sports teams who raise their hand holding up 4 fingers? 

Instead of complaining about all that must happen in the 7 weeks between now and summer vacation, what if we pledge to work together to make it the best ending of school ever? When this happens, we communicate more, we work together more, we work towards one goal. This makes it easier for all of us. It also makes it right for our students. When we enter the school in the mornings, knowing that there is a lot of work to be done, but knowing that you have a team to help you get it accomplished and knowing that you play an important part in that team, helps our students. It also helps you plan well thought out, meaningful learning engagements for our students in the last few weeks-even with the disruptions of testing, field trips, and programs. Our students, and quite frankly our colleagues, deserve to have the dedication of all faculty and staff to finish strong. I hope you will seriously consider changing your lens to one of (metaphorically-I can see so many of you now walking by my office holding up 4 fingers) entering the 4^th quarter knowing that you are going to give it all you have. You, our profession, and most importantly, our students deserve it.